CBS Is Going to Mel/Karmazin grounds Michael Jordan in a cushy-cushy coup
Marvin Kitman. E-mail Marvin Kitman at: MarvinKitmanShow at worldnet.att.net
ANOTHER REVOLUTION that will affect viewers took place last week behind closed doors in the palace of the Doges, the rulers of television. The Amazin' Karmazin, Mel Karmazin, the ad salesman who became king of radio at Infinity Broadcasting before he merged his mighty empire with CBS last year, the man who invented Howard Stern as a major national cultural force, took control of the even mightier CBS.
Melvin the K replaced Michael Jordan, who announced that he was retiring at the ripe old age of 62. Jordan, the fiscal genius at Westinghouse, took CBS off the hands of Larry Tisch for $5.2 billion in 1993. What appeared to be an orderly transition actually turned out to be a coup to get rid of Karmazin that backfired in Jordan's face.
Apparently Jordan was upset with the way Karmazin has been running the broadcasting business since he took over earlier this year. At the last CBS board meeting, he accused Karmazin of not having a feeling for broadcasting. He felt that Karmazin was not a real broadcaster but an accountant.
There were those who suggested that Jordan didn't approve of what Karmazin was doing to things such as the news division, slashing jobs, cutting coverage, at a time when CBS News was having enough trouble keeping up.
I say it's because he finally listened to Howard Stern on his radio station in Pittsburgh while he was shaving and almost cut his throat.
Jordan was not much of a broadcaster himself. His expertise was in selling nuclear reactors to China.
His other problem was that he kept mixing himself up with Michael Jordan, the athlete.
So when Jordan found fault with Karmazin as a broadcaster, we were really in trouble.
Karmazin, sources say, got upset with the Jordan nuclear attack. Basically, he explained, either he goes or I go. "If I go," Melvin the K pointed out, in effect, "I'm going to take the stock price down." Karmazin is a well-known darling on Wall Street, the reason CBS stock has gone up since he's been on board.
I'm no nuclear scientist, but this seemed like an interesting argument. Karmazin owns more stock than anybody (reportedly from 1 to 2 percent of all CBS shares). So, who would be hurt most by plunging stock prices?
At any rate, it worked. The board ousted Jordan. All this stuff about "it's time to go," that he wanted to go back to his first love, basketball, or to play third base with the Pirates, or whatever else the papers have been suggesting, is not genuine.
It was a failed coup. The briefcase blew up in the bunker, but Hitler didn't die. It was a bad day at Black Rock for Jordan.
Karmazin is a very good businessman. He can make money. Tisch was a good businessman, too. Look at how much money he made. But as a programer, Karmazin will make us nostalgic for Tisch. His first move could be to make Howard Stern president of the network.
Melvin the K's programing philosophy is: If it doesn't make money, a lot of money, who needs it? A corollary rule is: Cheap is good.
For example, there is Stern's Saturday night show. As long as it doesn't cost CBS any money, Karmazin seems to be saying about the program that uses material from his radio show already recycled on E!, we'll put it on. Who cares how bad a show it is?
Has anyone seen the Howard Stern TV show lately?
CBS is the network that brought you the documentaries "Harvest of Shame," "The Selling of the Pentagon," "Vietnam: The Uncounted Enemy." This is the network that brought you "M*A*S*H," "All in the Family," "I Love Lucy," George Burns and Gracie Allen, Danny Thomas, Dick Van Dyke, Jack Benny, Red Skelton.
And now it's bringing you a guy with a razor shaving a girl's crotch on TV.
The portions in the commissary at CBS Television City reportedly are being cut back: the tuna salad at $5.95 is almost all lettuce. The CBS pages at "The Price Is Right" are wearing torn and stained uniforms. But nothing compares to Melvin the K's achievements in putting on the cost-efficient Howard Stern Saturday night show.
His exciting creative plan for the future, from what I hear, is spinning off the very profitable radio and outdoor operations segments of the company. This will leave the TV network basking in the neon glow of red ink.
CBS under Karmazin today is like the once-profitable railroad empires. While they were spinning off lucrative real estate and freight divisions, they left the passenger sector, which other parts of the company were supposed to be subsidizing, buried in red ink. This justified cutting service, making it lose even more money.
That's what TV is going through now. In an increasingly competitive marketplace, network TV is the railroad business of the 21st Century. Karmazin is going to be the champion of not wasting more money for quality programing. Why throw good money after bad?
The only thing that can save the CBS heritage is Leslie Moonves, who has not been replaced by Howard Stern as head programer - yet. I've poked fun at him because of the "Dr. Quinn" cancellation, accusing him of selling out with "Martial Law" and other shows that appeal to the young and mindless. But, he is still a force for good at CBS.
He has in the pipeline development deals with Dianne Wiest, Sally Field, Christine Baranski. None of them is exactly Hanson. There is even a sitcom based on the life of gossip columnist Cindy Adams. It may not be "Sweet Smell of Success," but still it's not selling out to the youth market.
Will Melvin the K change Moonves' game plan? I can't imagine Moonves standing (or sitting) for that. This is a guy from Lorimar and Warner Bros. who never took orders from anybody. "Les can leave there a very rich man," a source explained. "He can waltz into any job."
Karmazin has to watch it. He can't just throw this guy out like Jordan. Melvin really needs Les. He can't have all Stern all the time. Les is more!
Still, it's going to be a Titanic struggle over at Black Rock, with $$$ (Karmazin) versus quality (Moonves). Somehow CBS survived Larry Tisch. But I don't know about Karmazin. It may wind up that he sells the TV network to a waste disposal company. The outlook is grim. And that's no fairy tale.
(From NY Newsday 11/4/98)
Louis Proyect
(http://www.panix.com/~lnp3/marxism.html)