The Modern Rocket Scientist
I am the very model of a modern rocket scientist My models are decipherable by any good economist I know my Black and Scholes, my Merton, my Cox, Ross and Rubinstein I have no fear of trying to interpolate a cubic spline I?ve got a little manual of formulas by John C Hull My lognormal assumptions are completely irrefutable I use the Engle model when I model volatility I think that Long Term Capital just needed more liquidity
Chorus: He thinks that Long Term Capital just needed more liquidity He thinks that Long Term Capital just needed more liquidity He thinks that Long Term Capital just needed more liquid-liquidity
I?ll price all of your options, European or American And send you such a large bill that you?ll think you are pelican And thus without compunction you will write me down upon your list Of those who have the status of a modern rocket scientist.
Chorus: And thus without compunction we will write him down upon our list Of those who have the status of a modern rocket scientist.
I?m versed in calculus deterministic and stochastical My Kolmogorov formula makes values look fantastical I talk about risk management and outcomes far off in the tail With meaningful remarks about the measure of the martingale. My grasp of short-rate processes is far above the hoi-polloi I treat Heath-Jarrow-Morton as a version of Black-Derman-Toy I know the Fisher Theorems and the time value of money If you call me an MBA I?ll think you?re being funny
Chorus: If you call him an MBA he?ll think you?re being funny If you call him an MBA he?ll think you?re being funny If you call him an MBA he?ll think you?re being funny-fun-funny
I start in academia then move into consultancy I look right down my nose at you and mumble things insultingly I will not deign to speak to those whose education sadly missed The rudiments of wisdom of the modern rocket scientist.
Chorus: He will not deign to speak to those whose education sadly missed The rudiments of wisdom of the modern rocket scientist.
In fact when my assumptions make some contact with reality When I can make some money without any illegality When I have got a hedging scheme for markets which make sudden jumps And instruments I?m modelling are commoner than heffalumps When I can take account of things like taxes and transactions costs And I can take a gamble to win back some of the cash I?ve lost When I gear up my arbitrage and leverage a great amount I'll sort out all the errors in that blasted 888 account
Chorus: He'll sort out all the errors in that blasted 888 account He'll sort out all the errors in that blasted 888 account He'll sort out all the errors in that blasted 888 account-account
But otherwise in ways that will be clear to any analyst I am the very model of a modern rocket scientist!
dd
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