A Propos of Nothing in Particular

Max Sawicky sawicky at epinet.org
Tue Feb 9 09:19:36 PST 1999


Bring Me My Bride

PSEUDOLUS:

Hail, Miles Gloriosus. Welcome to Rome. Your bride awaits you.

MILES:

My bride...

My bride! My bride! I've come to claim my bride, Come tenderly to crush her against my side.

Let haste be made! I cannot be delayed: There are lands to conquer, cities to loot and peoples to degrade.

SOLDIERS:

Look at those arms! Look at that chest! Look at them!

MILES:

Not to mention the rest. Even I am impressed!

My bride! My bride! Come, bring to me my bride. My lust for her no longer can be denied.

Convey the news! I have no time to lose: There are towns to plunder, temples to burn and women to abuse.

SOLDIERS:

Look at that foot! Look at that heel! Mark the magnificent muscles of steel!

MILES:

I am my ideal!

I, Miles Gloriosus, I, slaughterer of thousands, I, oppressor of the meek, Subduer of the weak, Degrader of the Greek, Destroyer of the Turk, Must hurry back to work.

MILES & ROMANS:

I/he, Miles Gloriosus,

SOLDIERS:

A man among men!

MILES & ROMANS:

I/he, paragon of virtue,

SOLDIERS:

With sword and with pen!

MILES:

I, in war the most admired, In wit the most inspired, In love the most desired, In dress the best displayed--

I am a parade!

SOLDIERS:

Look at those eyes, cunning and keen, Look at the size of those thighs, like a mighty machine!

PSEUDOLUS:

Those are the mightiest thighs that I ever have theen! I mean...

MILES:

My bride! My bride! Inform my lucky bride: The fabled arms of Miles are open wide.

Make haste! Make haste! I have no time to waste: There are shrines I should be sacking, Ribs I should be cracking, Eyes to gouge and booty to divide.

Bring me my bride!



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