[BRC-ALL] Arrest-O-Matic?

Steve Perry sperry at usinternet.com
Thu Mar 11 10:24:51 PST 1999


One of the best gags I've seen in a while--and it's a testament to the times that, aside from the byline, there is nothing remotely implausible about it.

---------- From: Charles Brown Sent: Thursday, March 11, 1999 11:25 AM To: Lbo-talk at lists.panix.com Subject: Fwd: [BRC-ALL] Arrest-O-Matic?

<<Message: [BRC-ALL] Arrest-O-Matic??>> Robocop

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Newshawk: ccross at november.org Source: Newsweed Author: Hoaks, R. S. Pubdate: Weds. Mar. 10, 1999 Online: http://members.tripod.com/~TheJointCommission/arrestomatic.html

High-tech Vending Machines to Nab Druggies High-tech vending machine tests currency; apprehends suspects; aids drug enforcement efforts.

WASHINGTON - by R. S. HOAKS The National Office of Drug Control Policy and a cosortium of major prison builders today announced a partnership to install 1200 new high-tech vending machines in strategic high crime areas within the next 18 months.

Affectionately dubbed Arrest-O-Matic by its' creators, these 'smart-machines' are designed to look like ordinary snack, beverage or change machines. The difference? They will perform a lightning-fast drug-trace ion detection scan on all currency it receives.

If money tests negative the machine wilI dispense the selected product with a flashing "Thank You".

If results are positive for up to 8 illegal drugs the machine will deliver, with help from its' computerized infra-red stereo imaging cameras, twin electronic Tazer-darts to stun the suspect long enough to drop and draw a flexible steel cable net tightly around the offender and notify authorities to arrive for further processing.

Any resistance or escape attempts will be detected by motion sensors which will increase the voltage to the Tazers until the suspect is safely subdued.

While waiting for police to arrive a pre-programmed audio chip will inform suspects of their rights under the Miranda Act and digitally record their responses.

Arrest-O-Matic telephones police, reports it's location code, and detains the suspect. It seals up the evidence and prints out a scientific lab report of the drugs found and the serial number of the currency, along with an audio/video cassette recording of the entire arrest sequence.

Officially known as "Computerized Arrestor for Rapid Enforcement - (CARE)", each Arrest-O-Matic is estimated to cost about 1.7 million dollars plus installation and maintenance.

Addressing the question of cost, spokesperson Rich Powers received a standing ovation in concluding that, "with an annual budget of billions dollars for the drug war, this expense, to be paid out over ten years, is insignificant compared to seeing the justice of millions of arrogant drug using criminals, flagrant lawbreakers, finally sent to prison for a long, long time, which they so rightly deserve".

Those behind Arrest-O-Matic expect to earn millions in profits from rewards, bounties, shared asset forfeiture proceeds; sale and maintenance of the units; as well as snack and soft drink sales.

Several overseas governments, including Burma, Brazil and Thailand, have expressed interest in the units.

Civil liberties advocates have expressed concern about wide-ranging issues of privacy, search and seizure, presumption of innocence and some studies which claim that 60 to 80 per cent of all U. S. currency carries evidentiary traces of illegal drugs, most often cocaine.

The announcement today spurred considerable activity on Wall Street in construction, computers, and enforcement sectors as states rallied for big windfalls from expected prison growth as a result of the CARE units.

Online: http://members.tripod.com/~TheJointCommission/arrestomatic.html

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