I nominate Max Sawicky for Press Secretary.
I'd give up my high-paying private sector job to be Drug Czar/Surgeon General.
First priority would be to legalize marajuana. I'd put Bill Buckley in charge of that.
Then I'd have the AmeriCorps kids pass out Viagra and condoms.
I'd hold a press conference and say ketchup is not a vegetable.
I'd quote Zizek(!) and say kids must masturbate becaue they can.
Larry Flynt would by my Blumenthal/spin-meister/attack dog. We'd encourage the press to nickname me "The Candyman."
Prozac would be distributed free of charge to right-wing white angry males.