[excerpt begins: 'The Dying Art Of Orgasmic Goalkeeping'
THE SIGHT of Neville Southall, XXL shirt stretched tight around his tummy, playing in the Premiership last Sunday amused many and saddened a few too. For myself - and I'm well aware that these may be the ramblings of a man reminiscing about some golden age that never really existed - it just made me think of six words: Where have all the goalkeepers gone?
With all respect to Southall (an immense presence in his heyday, now merely immense), it speaks volumes for the state of British goalkeeping that at 41 and clearly out of shape, he can appear at the highest level. It's a strange fact, it seems to me, that the more sophisticated coaching of the position has become, the more the quality has fallen.
Back in the 1960s and 1970s, as I know from experience, there was virtually no goalkeeping coaching or specialised training at the professional level. I had arguments with coaches and managers at clubs I played for when I demanded that I be given training suitable for my position and not just the same as the outfield players were getting. Running around a field or playing five-a-sides does not help you catch crosses.
One of the very few goalkeeping coaches in those days was Bert Williams, the former Wolves and England keeper, whom Coventry used once a week for a short time. But he was such a rarity then.
Today the top clubs employ specialist coaches on their staff and Bob Wilson at Arsenal has been a pioneer of this. So goalkeepers should be getting better, right? It is only logical. But, in my view, they are not.
In the late Sixties, if you made a list of quality goalkeepers - as opposed to adequate or good ones - there would have been a fair few names: Gordon Banks, Ron Springett, Peter Bonetti, Peter Shilton, Gordon West and so on, with Ray Clemence soon to emerge.
But, despite all the specialist coaching, how many would be on the same list today? At his best, Arsenal's David Seaman, but he is not in the class of a Banks or a Shilton. Then there is Nigel Martyn of Leeds, who in my view has been for at least two years the foremost keeper in British football, though he is still no Banks or Shilton. Finally, I'll suggest a name that might surprise some people - David James at Aston Villa... although I do have a number of reservations about him.
After Seaman, Martyn and James, you are hitting the good rather than the quality, people like Tottenham's Ian Walker and perhaps, again at his best, Mark Bosnich at Manchester United. But his all-round game is too inconsistent for him to be considered really top class. After that, you are immediately into the merely adequate. I repeat, where have all the keepers gone?
Of them all, none had more potential than James. He has everything: good build, extremely athletic, very quick on his feet. I first saw him as a youngster playing for Watford and he looked tremendous, a real find. But because of what goes on between the ears, his potential has remained simply that.
His tendency to brain-fade, and therefore commit comic-strip errors, has plagued his career and that's so sad because this guy could be the business. He can't get into the England squad, yet with his ability he should be a permanent fixture. His failure to be so is down to him and his own psyche.
What has made the story of James so disappointing to me is that there are so few goalkeepers around of orgasmic ability for a connoisseur like myself to savour. Oh yes, there are some good shot-stoppers, some who are good in the air and others who read the game well and act as a sweeper within their defensive systems, but rarely do I see the total package.
Goalkeeping is not just about keeping shots out of the goal.
It is about dominating the penalty area and dealing with crosses consistently, not staying at home trembling on the line, or flapping at them like a grandma.
It is standing up tall and challenging the striker to beat you, rather than dropping to the floor early and inviting the guy to simply hit the target you have so conveniently opened for him.
It is organising the defenders around you and therefore reducing the number of times your heroics are required.
It is holding the ball whenever possible and not palming it back into danger. It is distributing decisively to counter-attack (Peter Schmeichel at Manchester United was superb at this).
The nearest I have seen to the 'package' in my lifetime are Gordon Banks and Peter Shilton - both Leicester goalkeepers, of course - whom I was privileged to see week after week as a youngster. Indeed, I followed Shilton into the Leicester schools team and have known him since he first joined Leicester City. Schmeichel came close to the 'package', but Shilton was, for me, the finest exponent of the art I have yet seen.
He was the best 15-year-old goalkeeper, the best 25-year-old (apart from a lean spell at Stoke City), the best 30-year-old when he reached his peak, and certainly the best 40-year-old when he ended his England career in the Italy World Cup of 1990. That is a timeline of consistency that makes him one of the all-time greats of world football in any position.
It is true that goalkeeping is harder now. The ball moves in the air far more than it used to, players have learned to add spin and dip, and crosses are no longer predictably aimed high to the far post. But Shilton coped with all these developments and those great keepers of the past would have done so also.
There is no-one around that comes close to him today and scanning the leading sides I can't see where the next Shilton is coming from, or even anyone close. But, as a goalkeeping addict, I hope that such a man emerges very soon.
Any ideas? HAVE YOUR SAY... Is David Icke right? Is British goalkeeping a dying art - and if so, why? Who are the young keepers David should look out for? Do you agree that David James is potentially the best in the country at the position... and who would you put at the top of the pile? What issues would you like to see David Icke address in the weeks ahead? Let us know what you think by e-mailing us at theeditor at football365.co.uk snip ends]
Perhaps the Illumanti are killing off the orgasmic keepers. Graham Barnfield Editor, Culture Matters CMCRC strand: http://www.shu.ac.uk/schools/cs/cri/