|| -----Original Message-----
|| From: Max Sawicky
||
|| magnificent. -- mbs
||
|| Betty Bowers is better! The whole site is great, but my
|| favorite is this:
|| http://www.bettybowers.com/eminem.html
||
The lyrics are stupendous. I'll just post the whole thing:
Hakki
----------------------------------- Eminem Born Again! Exclusive Betty Bowers Interview
Anyone watching MTV will tell you that Marshall Mathers, also known as
Eminem, Slim Shady and "Defendant," has broken out like psoriasis. After
listening to his angry tirades filled with juvenile angst and contrived
mayhem, I expected a rough man to saunter into my suite at the Four
Seasons for our interview. I was not prepared for the fey, timid little
boy who has, no doubt, grown up under a barrage of taunts and insults
(those directed at his "look" would certainly fall comfortably under the
expanding heading of "constructive criticism"). It is with guarded
jubilation that I discovered that this trailer-tenor has become a
born-again Christian. I also have an exclusive preview of Eminem's new
CD, which is inspired entirely by Bible verses. Being based on our
Lord's Old Testament, of course, it will present no discernable
departure from his previous misogynistic and bloodthirsty rants.
Betty Bowers:So tell us: who did Christine Aguilera pleasure first?
Eminem:Carson, then Fred.
Betty Bowers:Well, one look at that harlot, my only surprise is that she
waited to do them one at a time. Now, to you: I didn't realize you were an
albino.
Eminem:I ain't no f----- albino! You want to dwell on my race but you
could NEVER say that my s--- is whack because you know my s--- is tight.
Betty Bowers:Scatological speculation aside, your eyes do look wildly
dilated. Indeed, even the most strung-out girls in my Christian Crackwhore
Ministry can't get their pupils to muster a gape like that. I'd say
sunglasses would not be remiss even if you're not an albino. Not that I'm
necessarily buying into your protestations in that regard, dear. So, tell
us, are you now a born-again Christian?
Eminem:Yeah, I am down with the Bible.
Betty Bowers:How did this miraculous change occur, dear?
Eminem:Well – dear – see? Everywhere I turn, I get s--- from posers that
don't know me. Sticking a finger up my a-- about not being "politically
correct" and s---. You know? People saying "you ain't supposed to say
f-gg---" and "you ain't supposed to talk bout beating up b-tches." And
Doctor Dre say --
Betty Bowers:What type of doctor is Dr. Dre anyway? Medical? PhD?
Eminem:Dre ain't a doctor. He just calls himself that to sound important.
Betty Bowers:Oh, sort of like Doctor Laura.
Eminem:She is one hard b-tch.
Betty Bowers:Perhaps, you two could do a duet. You seem to hate all the
same people.
Eminem:Yeah, but I hate her, too! (laughs)
Betty Bowers:Well, that hardly sets you apart, dear.
Eminem:Yeah, but she wouldn't be down with it since she isn't going to
cooperate with my slams on her.
Betty Bowers:No, self-hatred would require far too much introspection for
her. Let's talk about something more pleasant. So, tell me, did you become
born again to avoid coarse vulgarity?
Eminem:No, b----. I didn't f—king get f—king born-gain to do that!
Betty Bowers:This is clearly a metamorphosis in its very earliest of
stages. I assume, at a minimum, that you will no longer sing about, well,
such uncivil inclinations as killing.
Eminem:Killing? Everyone is riding me about violence. Look, Saving Private
Ryan was probably the illest, sickest movie I've ever watched, and I
didn't see anybody criticizing that one for violence.
Betty Bowers:That killing was done for God, dear. Indeed, the bullets our
boys fired were from God in Heaven. The German bullets were coming, of
course, straight from Satan. And the French . . . well, there were no
French bullets were there? But I'm always grateful the French are cowards
every time I wander among the unblemished buildings of Paris. Anyway,
everyone America kills either has crude morals or crude oil. And all
American war efforts are for the glory of God.
Eminem:Yeah, like carpet-bombing civilians in Dresden just cause we were
p-ssed off at the end of World War Two? How is that different than a punk
f-cked over and p-ssed just taking a semi to some f-cking fools at a
shopping mall?
Betty Bowers:Because those deaths are not paid for by tax dollars, dear.
Anyway, let's get back to your purported religious conversion. What led
you to Jesus? My website?
Eminem:No. (laughs) You see, Reverend Louis Sheldon from Traditional
Values Coalition called me on the cell and told me that if I became a
Bible worshipper it would help me out a lot with the press. See?
Betty Bowers:By accepting Jesus Christ as your Personal Savior?
Eminem:No. Follow me, b-tch. You see, Traditional Values Coalition pay for
all these focus groups and they know just what to say to the press. By
being able to say that I was just stating my "Christian religious beliefs"
instead of just personal stuff, they told me I could say all kinds of s---
and no one could touch me about it. Not even Newsweek. And what Sheldon
said made sense. And so I read the Bible for the first time and I was down
with it. God represents. I mean, God hates f-ggots and b-tches, too. See?
He's cool! So now, when I sing about hating f-gs and sluts I can say "Hey
man, I am talking bout my religious views!" And if anyone dares to
question my saying it, I just say: "You're persecuting me for religious
beliefs!" And how can they argue with that? God in the Old Testament said
"stone the f-gs! Kill the b-tches!" See? I give props to Sheldon. He knows
how to work it. So now, those f-ggots at Time and Rolling Stone can't
touch me cause on my next CD everything is going to be totally tied into
the Bible. And you wouldn't believe the f-cking s--- God has going down! I
mean, here is an example of sample:
Take A Good Look At The Good Book: God's Wrath Rap
LYRICS:
Take a good look, at the Good Book, when you hit my sh-t with the
tag "he's misogynistic!"
It's inherent see? From inerrant me! Apparently, if He sees a b-tch or
f-g, God goes ballistic.
The unsaved point at Slim, say: "Look at him! Who let the born-again
a--hole in the room?"
Well, prepare your tomb: Your little ones will be dashed to the ground!
Hear that sound?
Pregnant b-tches ripped open in the womb! [Hosea 13:16]
You see, when the Lord is mad, sh-t, then you know Yahweh has had it!
If you been acting sh-tty, God says: "Have no pity! Slay the punks, slay
the b-tches!"
Lord, what about their brats? "Slay those rats; leave em bleeding in the
ditches!" [Ezekiel 9: 4-6]
Destroy their hood [I Samuel 15:2-3] – kill em good. Yo, go to every city
purging
Set your sites on the whites, of their eyes, but keep a prize – all them
pretty v-rgins! [Numbers 31:14-18]
Slim's advice is be nice, all you b-tches! Cause I got Good News I can
Use. God said to kill all you witches! [Exodus 22:18]
And all the p-nsy press is, in their dresses, say "Slim, why you saying
f-ggots should die?"
And I just raise my Bible high: "The Lord said you got to go so, h-mo,
that's f-cking why!" (laughs) [Leviticus 20:13]
And all you r-gheads with the wrong god, get my drift, here's a gift: six
feet of your own sod! [Exodus 22:20]
You ain't f-cking born again? Count to ten. You ain't saved? Opps! I just
dropped you in your f-cking grave [Deuteronomy 17:2-7]
Hey, if I'm in a fight with some pr-ck guy, b-tch don't touch my d-ck.
Why? Cause God said you should die! [Deuteronomy 25:11-12]
Now, I am turning to Saint Paul, he said it all, in his letters to
Timothy. See?
All you hos in the place, shut your face and take commands from me! [1Tim.
2:11-12]