The Top 15 Political Valentine's Day Cards
15> To Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, from George W.:
If I could sample what's beneath that robe,
my heart would go pitter-patter.
But I've already received your Valentine's gift:
the White House on a platter!
14> To George W. Bush, from Osama bin Laden:
I could KISS you for endorsing
the work I try to do.
You see, my many endeavors
are mostly faith-based, too!
13> To Allen Greenspan, from NBC's Andrea Mitchell:
Don't worry about last night --
lots of guys get irrationally exuberant!
12> To Tipper, from Hillary:
Your husband's a schmo, my husband's a ho.
Let's ditch them both and give it a go.
11> To George W. from Dad:
You've made me proud again, my son,
by moving into my old home.
But I ran out of favors getting you there.
Don't screw up now -- you're on your own!
10> To Karin Stanford, from the Reverend Jesse Jackson:
Though we now are parted,
my heart still turns to mush,
Ever since that night we shared
a magical "Rainbow-PUSH."
9> To Linda, from Mr. Ed:
I must admit, my dear Ms. Tripp,
You really turn me on.
I've not been graced by such a face,
Since I was on the farm.
8> To William Rehnquist, from James Baker:
Thanks for the vote, you ended the strife.
So this Valentine morning, we're releasing your wife.
7> To John Ashcroft, from Senate Democrats:
Of *course* we can be bipartisan,
and reach out across the aisle.
Here's a sentiment our heart is in:
We salute you, sir! Sieg heil!
6> To Hillary, from Bill:
Please forgive me, Valentine,
for my wandering erection.
But what was I supposed to do
during your eight-year yeast infection?!
5> To Katherine Harris, from a secret admirer:
Roses are red, violets are blue.
There's a rainbow of colors slathered on you!!
4> To All the Girls I've Loved Before, from Bill Clinton:
My valentines, two years ago,
you each gave me a hickey.
Last year you showed your love again,
with Oval Office quickies.
This year I've given something back,
the explanation's tricky...
a Latin phrase describes it best --
it's "Veni, V.D., vici."
3> To Elizabeth Dole, from Bob Dole:
The sun, how it sets, like the falls of Niagra...
but the sun also rises -- like Bob Dole on Viagra!
2> To Barbra Streisand, from George W.:
You talked about secession,
now pack your shit and leave.
And don't threaten me with Brolin --
that dude's more whipped than cream!
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Political Valentine's Day Card...
1> To Tipper, from Al:
How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways...
No wait, that's not right.
Let me count again...
Darn it, that's not it, either.
One more time...