>I live in the Bay area, where it seems (to me) that gay sex does not
>take place under conditions of repression. Gay couples routinely
>stroll by holding hands, kissing, etc.; they can adopt children (or
>have them themelves) etc. So, unless, you disagree with that, you
>still need to explain the "countervailing" practices.
well: do you think nobody notices, people assign it to normal and dominant, people don't think it's exceptional (whether they judge that as good or bad)...? it remains an issue that 'they' have/adopt children, it remains an issue that the 'Bay area' is different from other areas in its public representation of sexual practices and 'sexuality'. and these things remain noticeable in comparison to heterosexual versions of the same things. this exceptional status unquestionably accepts that it differs from 'countervailing practices'. obviously.
i'm not going into 'repression' here -- whether or not the normative is repressive is a whole other set of questions, but it sure as hell as force in people's lives, shapes what we imagine to be possible/normal/exceptional/desirable
>What I'm starting to seriously wonder about is whether men, in
>general, do not feel guiltier about sex than women.
'women' and 'men' don't feel things, obviously nothing is shared by these groups in terms of 'feelings' -- but you're talking about dominant tendencies so, fine, sure, wherever those come from...
>I know this is an
>odd hypothesis -- because they are the ones who are out there: at the
>glory holes and they're the ones who go to prostitutes etc. But, this
>to me suggests the opposite of comfort. I mean, if I felt entitled to
>something that was good, why would I need to 1) pay for it and 2) make
>such a big point of having it publicly/anonymously, whatever ...
i truly don't know where to start with this -- -there are many sorts of pleasure that aren't about comfort -we pay all the time for things we like; enjoy publicity all the time -the public/anonymous thing is a fascinating contradiction, but that's not what you're talking about so... who makes 'such a big point of' it and in what context? -i really think prostitution is not something you can collapse so casually into casual gay male sex
>And please, this is not an anti gay thing. I'd label myself bi--so I
>don't think it's that.
that's no guarantee at all (and it doesn't take my total aversion to 'I'd label myself bi' to recognise that)
>Just trying to think things through despite the stereotypes.
there's nothing wrong with that, it's a great idea, i'm all in favour of it, but i don't think you're there yet.
Catherine