Actually, leftist views probably aren't necessary. Just the dark sense of humor.
***
An Open Letter to the World's Terrorist Community
>From the Tourism Board of the City of New York
Sir/Madam: During your recent monitoring of the infidel American media, you may have seen advertisements encouraging people to come back to New York City. Firmly, but politely, we must say: these messages are NOT FOR YOU.
As you know, Americans are drunk on pornography, consumerism, and their love for Satan, and thus are easily jaded -- so another attack on New York would barely even be noticed. However, from Portland, Maine, to Portland, Oregon, the United States is filled with "hidden treasures" for people like you to discover, then make the target of your ruthless fatwa!
Here are some suggestions, courtesy of the New York City Tourism Board.
* ALBUQUERQUE is best known as a beautiful, quaint desert town. But did you know it's also poorly defended and historically hostile to Islam? Moreover, it hosts an annual balloon race -- which would attract substantial media attention while plunging from the sky in flames! Albuquerque's thriving arts community would be sure to immortalize your act in Guernica-like tableaux for decades to come.
* Angry at freedom and modernity? Why not consider a "dirty nuke" in beautiful downtown CLEVELAND? Not only is it home to the Hall of Fame of Rock 'n' Roll, the lustful music that sets the hips of sluttish western women gyrating, it's also the setting of the alcohol-positive sitcom "The Drew Carey Show."
* Yes, the east coast is terrified -- but can America truly be called "full of fear from East to West" without an attack on ANCHORAGE? Not only does this Alaskan city host a heavy population of godless, cleanshaven Eskimos, its water system was named "worst guarded" by Taliban Monthly. Generous smallpox grants are available from the New York City Mayor's Office!
* Everyone knows PHOENIX is the World Headquarters for International Jewry. But it was also recently voted "America's Hypochondria Capital." And why not? Nobody's more sensitive to slight flu-like symptoms than a snowbird! Just one Pennysaver sprinkled with baby powder is sure to cause a massive panic. Elderly Zionists swamp the city's infrastructure, and pass the savings on to YOU!
* Antebellum charm meets absolute vulnerability in lovely SAVANNAH, where a notoriously incompetent Mayor and fractious City Council wait to collapse at the merest touch of terror. Add demoralized, underpaid law enforcement, and you've got Paradise here on Earth! Use our coupon to receive 25% off on cropduster rental, his name be praised!
These are just a few of the terroristic opportunities this great country of ours has to offer. We'll send our information packet, "1001 Targets Other Than New York City," to you ABSOLUTELY FREE. Or if you want us to pay you to take it, let us know, we can work something out. Just please leave New York alone! It's someone else's turn!
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