Oh Joanna, you describe the condition for women with young children who work outside the home so well. But I'm so sorry for the physical pain you've had to endure through it. I know a well functioning body is at least needed to deal with it all. My worst moments were when the children were babies and I was a full-time graduate student teaching at the university plus lecturing at another. The responsibilities I had were endless and by no means did I ever seem caught up. I was never able to sleep more than a few hours if at all. And my diet consisted of apples that were eaten while standing or driving. Fortunately (or unfortunately) my body never asked for much or if it did I never heard it.
As for the public/private face you discuss, I think a mother of very young children also keeps the private face up for the babies. What they see in her face during these first years is what they mostly feel about themselves. She is everything to them and her face is their world. Trying to meet the needs of my children during these early years amidst the constraints of work and school was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I probably have more responsibilities and tasks these days but there are many more possible schemes to fit it all in. My youngest is now 7 and this is a great age for reasoning. It's infinitely easier to find solutions for those "when push comes to shove” days. I do still get very little sleep and eat mostly apples although I've now expanded to popping dried figs...they seem to have more energy and keep longer in the car!
Take care and you might want to think about popping a fig when push comes to shove.
Best, Diane