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By Karen DeYoung Washington Post Staff Writer Friday, August 2, 2002; Page C01
JAKARTA, Indonesia, Aug. 1 -- Has Colin Powell somehow found time in his busy schedule for singing lessons?
Last year, at the traditional "cabaret night" of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations meeting of foreign ministers, the U.S. secretary of state attempted a rendition of Marty Robbins's 1959 hit "El Paso." A videotape smuggled out of the supposedly private event -- and broadcast on CNN -- revealed that Powell's performance was, to put it kindly, off-key.
This year, however, Powell's warbling was downright tolerable. In a booming baritone, he belted out "Some Enchanted Evening" with new, amusing lyrics -- amusing, at least, to those who crack up over jokes about ASEAN. But what really made the show sing was Powell's decision to make fun of himself before anyone else could.
Reenacted with pride tonight for the U.S. press corps by Powell and his senior aides, the multimedia skit -- it featured video clips along with the performance -- began with the secretary's regular morning meeting at the State Department. "What are we going to do for this year's ASEAN performance?" Powell asks his staff. "If you don't mind my saying so, we were really great last year."
Scene 2: A telephone rings. It's Powell's deputy, Richard L. Armitage, on video. "Colin, look. We have been friends for a long time, right? I'm begging you -- don't sing at this year's ASEAN. Last year, you set back relations 10 years." Pumping iron as he speaks, Armitage (known for his bulging biceps) suggests a weight-lifting skit.
Scene 3: State Department spokesman Richard Boucher, live onstage, warns Powell that the press will be on his case.
Scene 4: On video, reporters in the State Department briefing room remind Boucher that Powell's performance last year provoked "broad discontent in ASEAN" and ask whether he will subject friendly governments to a repeat. Boucher says he can neither confirm nor deny and mumbles some boilerplate about Powell being "fully and completely consistent with all appropriate international standards."
Subsequent video scenes include a television correspondent (played by senior staffer Cynthia Church, who used to be one) standing in the State Department lobby reporting rumors that "the White House began a secret search to replace the secretary of state and several members of his senior staff after last year's performance at ASEAN." This drew much laughter from insiders familiar with the persistent Washington rumor that Powell is about to resign after losing too many policy battles.
Switch to a (real) clip of President Bush's State of the Union address in January. A (fake) Bush voice tells Congress, "I promise you, Secretary of State Powell and our professional diplomats will NOT embarrass our great nation again with their singing and dancing."
Switch to a (fake) clip of protesters outside the State Department -- actually a class of diplomatic recruits -- marching and chanting, "Hey, Hey, Ho, Ho, Powell's singing's got to go."
Switch to a (real) clip of members of the Chinese National People's Congress all raising their hands to vote. A (fake) voice-over intones that they are voting against a Powell reprise.
Powell's wife, Alma (real), appears next on the telephone, begging him to "not embarrass the family again."
Back to the staff meeting, onstage. Powell avers that he once toured with Abba, spent a summer as an Elvis impersonator and toured with the Bolshoi along with Russian Foreign Minister Igor Ivanov. The video displays a photo of each, with Powell's head superimposed. Powell and Ivanov, dressed in tights, are shown leaping across a stage.
The phone rings again. On video, Bush (real) is calling. "Colin. We have to talk. I'm worried about your ASEAN performance. Last year, you ended up rolling around the floor with some foreign minister. Look, Colin, we're a proud nation. I hired you to be the best. Start practicing."
(When Bush appeared onscreen, Powell recounted on the plane, his fellow ministers stopped laughing and a hush fell over the room. Whispers flew -- "Is that really him?")
As the skit heads into its finale, Powell and his staff (real) start snapping their fingers, bumping and grinding to the beat.
The secretary of state sings: "Some Brunei-an evening, AS-EE-AAN is laughing. You may hear them laughing . . . "
And he is right on key.