Kmart Hires Arthur Andersen
Chicago (SatireWire.com) -- Ailing retail giant Kmart today announced
it would not have to declare bankruptcy after an audit conducted by
its newly hired accounting firm, Arthur Andersen, found no records of
company finances whatsoever.
"Our previous accounting firm told us we lost $224 million in the
fiscal third quarter, but Andersen has informed us that, at least on
paper, we didn't have a fiscal third quarter," said CEO Charles
Conaway. "What a difference proper accounting makes."
Andersen executives did not return several messages. A company
attorney later explained his clients were only allowed one phone call,
and they had already made it.