SatireWire | Kmart Hires Arthur Andersen

Michael Pollak mpollak at panix.com
Thu Jan 31 17:06:45 PST 2002


Kmart Hires Arthur Andersen

Chicago (SatireWire.com) -- Ailing retail giant Kmart today announced

it would not have to declare bankruptcy after an audit conducted by

its newly hired accounting firm, Arthur Andersen, found no records of

company finances whatsoever.

"Our previous accounting firm told us we lost $224 million in the

fiscal third quarter, but Andersen has informed us that, at least on

paper, we didn't have a fiscal third quarter," said CEO Charles

Conaway. "What a difference proper accounting makes."

Andersen executives did not return several messages. A company

attorney later explained his clients were only allowed one phone call,

and they had already made it.



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