Supreme Court Rules Earnings Should Be Protected as "Art"

Michael Pollak mpollak at panix.com
Fri Jun 28 16:52:05 PDT 2002


SUPREME COURT RULES EARNINGS

SHOULD BE PROTECTED AS "ART"

Recognition of Pro-Formalist Movement Gets WorldCom, Andersen Off Hook

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In a surprise decision that

exonerates dozens of major companies, the U.S. Supreme Court today

ruled that corporate earnings statements should be protected as works

of art, as they "create something from nothing."

The WorldCom exhibit at MoMA

Installing the WorldCom exhibit at MOMA

"One plus one is two. That is math. That is science. But as we have

seen, earnings and revenues are abstract and original concepts, ideas

not bound by physical constraints or coarse realities, and must

therefore be considered art," the Court wrote in its 7-2 decision.

The impact of the ruling was widespread. Investigations into hundreds

of firms were cancelled, and collectors began snatching up original

balance sheets, audits, and P&L statements from WorldCom, Enron, and

Global Crossing. Meanwhile, auditing firms such as Arthur Andersen

(now Art by Andersen) were reclassified as art critics, whose opinions

are no longer liable.

"Before we had to go in and decide, 'Is it right, or is it wrong?'"

said KPMG spokesman Dan Fischer. "Now we must only decide, 'Is it

art?'"

In Congress, all further hearings into irregularities were abandoned

in favor of an abstract accounting lecture given by Scott Sullivan,

former Chief Financial Artist of WorldCom, which had been charged with

fraud for improperly accounting for $3.85 billion.

"Art should reflect life, so what I was really trying to accomplish

with this third quarter report was acknowledge that life is an

illusion," said Sullivan, explaining his acclaimed work, "10Q for the

Period Ending 9/30/01."

U.S. Rep. Billy Tauzin of Louisiana, however, was forced to apologize,

admitting he could only see a lie.

"Yes, well, a man with a concretized view of the world may only be

able to see numbers that 'Don't add up,'" said a haughty Sullivan.

"But someone whose perceptions are not always chained to reality -- a

stock analyst, say -- may see numbers that, like the human spirit,

aspire to be greater than they are."

Several Sullivan pieces are now part of a new show at New York's

Museum of Modern Art entitled, "Shadows & Spreadsheets: The Origins of

Pro-Formalism."

Robert Weidlin, an SEC investigator and avid collector, was among the

first to peruse the Enron exhibit, which takes up an entire wing of

the museum "You look at these works, and you say 'Is this a profit, or

a loss? Is this firm a subsidiary, or a holding company?'" said

Walden. "I have stood in front of this one balance sheet for hours,

and each moment I come away with something different."

Like other patrons, Weidlin said he didn't know whether to be

impressed or outraged, a reaction that pleased Andrew Fastow, the

former Enron CFA who is a leading proponent of the Trompe

L'Shareholder style.

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"An artist should not be afraid to be shocking," said Fastow. "As did

the Modernists, we should fearlessly depart from tradition and embrace

the use of innovative forms of expression. Like, say, 'Special Purpose

Entities' and 'Pooling of Interests.'"

Sullivan, meanwhile, said he was influenced by the Flemish Masters,

particularly Lernout & Hauspie, the Belgian speech recognition

software company that collapsed last year after an audit discovered

the firm had cooked its books in 1998, 1999, and 2000.

"Lernout & Hauspie simply invented sales figures, just willed them out

of thin air and onto the paper," he said. "Me? I must live with a

spreadsheet a long time before I begin to work it. You must be patient

and wait until the numbers reveal themselves to you."

And what about the reaction to his work? "I realize people are angry,

people are hurt. But I cannot concern myself with that," he said. "As

with all true artists, I don't expect to be understood during my

lifetime."

(The MOMA exhibit runs through Sept. 3. Admission is $8, excluding a

one-time write down of deferred stock compensation and other costs

associated with the carrying value of inventory.)

Copyright © 2002, SatireWire.

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