The Daily Show Rock!
Jimmy: What are we doing, Grampa? Grampa: It's Election Day, Jimmy, we're waiting in line to vote! Jimmy: Are we voting for President? Grampa: No! This is a mid-term election. Jimmy: We're voting for a mid-term? Grampa: God, you're stupid! Listen up:
Every four years comes an Election Day When Americans get to sort of have their say They're not quite Presidential They're much much less essential But they're kind of influential in their way
Mid-Term Elections! They come right in the middle. Mid-Term Elections! They matter quite a little. They include the House, a third of the Senate, and mayors by the score And they come in years divisible by two but not by four.
Jimmy: Sounds like mid-term elections are a chance to really change things. Grampa: Are you listening to a god damn word of this? Out of 535 seats
we'll be lucky to get ten new people. Jimmy: But why? Grampa: Listen you little turd! The whole damn system is rotting from
the inside. Washington's got us by the nutsack and they won't stop
squeezing until we're singing soprano. Congressman?
I'm Incumbency Bob and have you heard the news? The way the system works there ain't no way I can lose My party, big business, special interests and me Make a mockery of democracy.
Jimmy: But can't people run against you? Incumbency Bob: Well, they can try, but I've got name recognition, soft
money, hard money, pundits, politicos, mob ties, and if those don't
work I've got a department of dirty tricks. Jimmy: Isn't that illegal?? Incumbency Bob: Son, I make the laws, and as long as I keep the pork
money flowing it's smooth sailing. Just last week I attached a rider
to a farm bill giving my district fifty million dollars to re-build
the harbor front. Jimmy: But aren't we land-locked? Incumbency Bob: Yes we are.
Nothing's gonna keep me from renewing my term Even dancing with a stripper drunk and covered in sperm To lose my job I'd have to die and take an intern's life And in either case my seat would go to my wife!
Jimmy: Holy Christ that's depressing! Grampa: Yep, and it's all part of
Mid-Term Elections! There's really no need for 'em Mid-Term Elections! The voters just ignore 'em! So just remember this November that your vote will count A very very very very very small amount.
Jimmy: Grampa, can you take me back to my parents now? Grampa: Jimmy, I have some terrible news for you...