Dangerous men...

RE earnest at tallynet.com
Sat Sep 7 11:09:13 PDT 2002


I think this is generally accepted among psychoanalysts, under such rubrics as "projective identification" and "altruistic surrender" (wherein one grants to others what one denies for oneself). I'd add that this is a process within intimate relationships by no means limited to women, men can find aggressive women attractive for similar reasons. For either sex at times this may be because they can disown the aggression and then sorta control it (projective identification), at other times it relieves them of guilt about their own aggression. What could be a liability becomes a virtue, etc. For both men and women, this can give a relationship a kind of "healing"/integrative quality that is very powerful. (I suspect that among lefties this may be an unusually prevalent experience compared to the general population, right?) Randy


>
> Women, being culturally constructed into passivity, compensate by
> associating with aggressive/inconsiderate/wild men. As noted in (1) above,
> the wish is to experience aggression by proxy, and hence the attraction to
> that kind of male. Perhaps there's also the expectation that dangerous
men
> are less repressed and therefore would make more passionate lovers, but
> that may be more of a personal non-sequitur.
If I'm right, it
> would also follow that women who are capable of self-assertion are less
> likely to be attracted to these kinds of men.
>
> Joanna
>
>



More information about the lbo-talk mailing list