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<DIV>Newspeak and Spin<BR><STRONG>Dissembling becomes more hysterical as
conditions worsen</STRONG><BR><BR>by Bryan Zepp Jamieson<BR>6/26/02<BR><A
href="http://www.zeppscommentaries.com/VRWC/newspeak.htm">http://www.zeppscommentaries.com/VRWC/newspeak.htm</A><BR><BR>The
RNC fax machines spit out an imaginative one last week. No longer were the
Palestinian suicide <BR>bombers to be referred to as “Palestinian suicide
bombers.” They were to be referred to as “homicide bombers” and all the
minnows on the right dutifully veered as one and started using this ridiculous
new phrase. <BR><BR>Some genius thought that since the intent of the
bombers was to kill Israelis, they should be called <BR>homicide bombers.
That way, they could be simply dismissed as being cowardly criminals, and
nobody, <BR>particularly Israel, would have to deal with the embarrassment of
explaining why they are so fiercely hated that young women and children are
willing to give their lives in the hopes of killing some Israelis.
<BR><BR>It isn’t nasty, like the clowns who say that anyone who asks, “Why are
there suicide bombers?” is being <BR>sympathetic to the bombers. It’s just
stupid. It takes the most glaring example of the depth and
<BR>intractability of middle east hatred and tries to make it a marketing
problem, and of course, it fails <BR>miserably. <BR><BR>There’s been a
spate of Newspeak from the right wing of late. In itself, that’s nothing
new. This is, <BR>after all, the party that delivered such memes as “Peace
with Honor,” and “You can’t solve social problems by throwing money at
them.” The GOP has always been a party that floated on a sea of fatuous
crap. <BR><BR>But as things worsen, the amount, richness, and ph balance
of the GOP propaganda has reached truly <BR>bovinian proportions. So other
recent examples:<BR><BR>When the EPA produced its report a couple of months ago
that stripped away the last pretense that global warming was anything other than
a pending disaster caused by our own actions, even that was couched in
Newspeak. It wasn’t a disaster that might kill millions and perhaps
billions of people: it was an opportunity; an opportunity for American ingenuity
and adaptability and stick-to-it-iveness, a clarion call for us to rise above
the petty annoyances of a few extra warm days and stride forward, led by our
brave captains of industry. <BR><BR>OK, it wasn’t quite that over the top, but
the tone was along those lines. Global warming wasn’t a <BR>problem, it
was an opportunity. <BR><BR>Opportunities like that don’t come along
often, you know. Thanks to the Republicans, we’ve had the <BR>opportunity
to toughen up the old lungs with everything from diesel exhaust to asbestos
fiber. Oh, the <BR>Republicans didn’t directly cause those things, don’t
get me wrong. But they just want to show us how we can appreciate them
better. Some capitalist took risks and worked hard to give you the
opportunity to cope with nuclear waste. The least you can do is show a
little appreciation, young man. <BR><BR>The EPA did show a little intelligence
in their propaganda, though. They needed to talk about possible
<BR>effects of global heating, so instead of talking about coastal cities
drowning, entire cultures in the Pacific and in the north being annihilated,
millions of deaths from disease, and even more from starvation, they talked
about how global warming could cause some wetlands in the Rockies to dry
up.<BR><BR>Yes, the Rockies has wetlands. Mountain meadows.
<BR><BR>But right wingers see wetlands as everything that’s wrong with
environmental protection. They all have <BR>sob stories about some
developer who couldn’t bulldoze because there was some sort of snail unique to
the wetland, or whine piteously about some small beleaguered farmer – ADM or
Tyson, perhaps, who can’t plant potatoes in the swamp because it’s a
wetland. Cue sounds of loud Republican sobbing. Right wingers hate
wetlands. And love farmers who plant potatoes in swamps.<BR><BR>And in the
Rockies, where there are a lot of brain-damaged pseudo libertarian types who
listen to Rush <BR>all the time and think the Patriot Act will keep government
off their backs, they REALLY hate wetlands and environmentalists.
<BR><BR>Funny that the EPA would pick THAT as an example, isn’t it?<BR><BR>The
joke goes that among the dour Presbyterians of Scotland, a favorite saying is,
“It’ll imprrrrove yer <BR>moral character.” This catch-all phrase is
administered to anyone sharing in one of life’s little <BR>tribulations, like a
broken back, or finding out that your old lady has been entertaining the French
army on the side. <BR><BR>Republicans don’t mind the concept of suffering,
just so long as it improves yer moral character. Why, <BR>they could spend
all day watching you suffer, and as for your moral character, well, they will be
wanting to give yeh a wee bit o’ help there too, laddie. <BR><BR>Nothing
wrong with their moral character, of course. And they can prove it.
They’re rich, aren’t they? <BR>Well, there you go! Proof of superior
moral character. <BR><BR>If the attitude of the Republicans that we should
be prepared, as loyal patriots, to rise above the <BR>challenges they have
dropped in our laps seems a bit condescending, hypocritical and flamboyantly
stupid, imagine this:<BR><BR>Christine Whitman is prepared to defend toxic
sludge in the Hudson River. Most Republicans, at the <BR>most, have no
opinion on toxic sludge in the Hudson River. They don’t live in New York,
and unless they<BR>happened to die in the Twin Towers disaster, they don’t much
care if New Yorkers live or die. But most of them wouldn’t defend toxic
sludge, even if it was profitable. They would just study their shoes, and
after a few minutes, start talking about what a moral disgrace Clinton
was.<BR><BR>But Whitman, who is rapidly turning into a Goering-like buffoon for
this administration, has a new take on it. <BR><BR>Toxic sludge is good
for the fish in the Hudson river because it reduces their appetite (eating toxic
<BR>sludge apparently will do that for you – perhaps they should consider making
diet pills from it) and as <BR>everyone knows, fish that aren’t hungry don’t get
caught by fishermen!<BR><BR>Personally, I think the Republicans are missing a
bet. They should combine the two rationales, and <BR>explain that the
sludge will provide the fish with a challenge, and improve their moral
character! Not only are the fish being protected from the sort of people
who would want to eat a fish filled with toxic sludge, but they are learning to
avoid foods that are bad for them, and of course, the stress of their physical
involvement will cause them to evolve, and grow poisonous tentacles and lasers
and become intelligent, and someday rise up and overthrow the evil land
dwellers.<BR><BR>Actually, Christine might want to soft-pedal that last one a
bit. A lot of her followers don’t believe <BR>in evolution and get annoyed
if you suggest it might actually exist. <BR><BR>We won’t even talk about
the twin meltdowns in the economy and foreign policy, and will have to leave
<BR>domestic policy until a time when I have time to write a couple of hundred
pages. <BR><BR>But in keeping with proud Republican tradition, let’s give
you an utterly absurd example so you, too, <BR>can pass it along to your fellow
drunks at the bar while complaining about Hillary Clinton:<BR><BR>When we get to
the point where intelligent fish are walking along the streets of New York
wearing bombs with which they are blowing up passersby, it is incorrect to talk
about suicide fish who are pissed and desperate because we screwed up their
environment. They are positively-challenged Piscean -Americans who have
availed themselves of the opportunities presented by American industry to become
homicide bombers.<BR><BR>What do you mean, “that’s crazy”? Look, I don’t
see what is so hard about this...</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT
color=#000080></FONT><BR>**************************************<BR>"The trouble
with capitalism is that it has capitalists.<BR> They're just too damned
greedy"<BR>
-- Herbert Hoover<BR><BR>Not dead, in jail or a slave? Thank a
liberal!<BR><BR>To subscribe to Zepp's News and Commentaries, email me at <A
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