I am also fascinated by what I am currently observing in women around me...which is .... that they are with men until they've had the kids they want...and then they move into lesbian relationships. I'm assuming this is because women are easier to live with and because they have a less instrumental view of sex.
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Yes, I've also seen a bit of this. But, like all phenomena, this one's snarkier than appearances suggest (i.e. the standard narrative - after suffering through a lie of a het life, she had her kids with a guy, then 'came out' to a joyful true self - is not always accurate).
A few years back, sex advice columnist Dan Savage wrote a series of essays, prompted by reader interest, on the topic of apparently Gay women who, at some later date become apparently un-Gay. As a Gay man, completely disinterested in women romantically/sexually, he found this puzzling to say the least. His conclusion: female sexuality is rather complex.
Many an LBO post ago, I wrote about an old friend - a lesbian as it happens - who tossed me in the midst of her womyn centered social whirl for a few pleasant and instructive seasons. All of the typical human problems were on display: the struggles for dominance, the arguments over sex and money, the jealousies. There was no achievement of a nirvana of relationship bliss simply because two women were involved.
I lived with my friend and her girlfriend for a few years and, because people seem to trust me with their secrets, heard about the state of quite a few other pairings. I can tell you, there was no evidence of any greater relationship ease when compared to het couplings. Good days and bad days like everyone else.
There were even cases of physical and emotional abuse.
An eye-opener for me.
.......
"the rub here is that "sex" might mean different things to men and women. To many, many, many men it means something like "twiddle with the knobs (nipples, clitoris), masturbate in the vagina, then go to peaceful sleep." Fine and good, but not what I'd call sex."
.......
Yes, a lot of women are burdened with men who are inept, yet still insistent, lovers. I'm sure this explains a good amount of marital frustration. My own situation improved dramatically when I returned, in sexual matters, to that moment of complete absorption I experienced as a child when I first tasted a strawberry ice cream cone freshly made from a passing ice cream truck.
Every inch of it - cone, ice cream, sprinkles, all of it - was a joy to taste. It wasn't a stretch to think of a woman's body in similar ways.
But I was fortunate, I had a good partner to explore with as I was re-learning how to make love.
This isn't true for everyone - women or men. Our culture is good at presenting sexual imagery of the obvious and mechanical sort but less skillful at providing the space for sensuality.
DRM
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