lightbulb?
A: Helen, the American people understand that the lightbulb
situation has arisen due to the policies of the previous administration, and they appreciate that there has been an effort to deal with it. The President hopes that the Democrats will abandon their obstructionist tactics against
tax relief, national security, and judges who will enforce the law. In this time of darkness, we need to come together
and support the policies that President Bush was elected to
enact.
Q: But how would any of those policies address the problem of the broken lightbulb?
A: I think I've already answered that question. Yes, Howard.
Q: Ari, does President Bush believe that the previous administration's non-eternal lightbulb policies represent a
threat to national security?
(etc.)
Teusday:
Q: Ari, what are the Administration's plans for dealing with the broken lightbulb?
A: Define "lightbulb".
Wednesday:
Q: Ari, does the Administration have any plans to repair the growing number of broken lightbulbs?
A: I reject the premise of the question. They could be better described as "opportunitybulbs".
Thursday:
Q: Ari, President Bush was quoted yesterday saying that each broken lightbulb-
A: I'm sorry, Terry, I'm not familiar with that term.
Q: Right. Each "opportunitybulb" would be responsible for creating 10,000 new jobs. Furthermore, he said that future unemployment figures would be immediately adjusted downward
based on the number of opportunitybulbs. How did he come to
the figure of 10,000 new jobs?
A: I'll have to get back to you on that one, Terry.
Q: Ari, the Wall Street Journal ran that number by three labor experts, and each of them said that 10,000 jobs per bulb was an outrageous number. Do you have any information at all about how they can justify that number?
A: Steve, it's quite clear that if you were President, you wouldn't remove 10,000 people from the unemployment rolls for each opportunitybulb. The President has made it quite clear that he will. I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. (laughter)
It's also quite clear that the Wall Street Journal article in question was rather controversial. As you know, Steve, those three quote-unquote "experts" were immediately challenged to a knife fight by the Wall Street Journal's own Paul Gigot. Also, our Total Information Awareness program has revealed that one of them, Dr. Lawton of Princeton University, downloads pornography onto his home computer. I think that the American people deserve better than that.
Q: Ari, is it legal for you to disseminate that kind of information in order to discredit critics of the Administration?
A: First, I have to disagree with your characterization. But to address your question, it's up to the Supreme Court to decide how the Bush Administration can use its TIA information, not me. Now, does anyone else have a lightbulb
question?
Q: Ari, the New York Times ran a story yesterday saying that the Bush Administration has a greater percentage of broken lightbulbs than any administration since the Great Depression. Does the Administration have any comment on that report?
A: As you probably know, I really can't say anything about lightbulbs which may or may not be broken. All information on lightbulbs has been classified for reasons of national security. --- Sent from UnionMail Service [http://mail.union.org.za]