* * *
"Dimitrov! Get in here immediately!"
"Yes Comrade Stalin?"
"I want John Wayne killed."
"John Wayne? You mean the famous American cowboy actor? Formerly known as Marion Morrison, whose best work to date has been done with the director John Ford, known for his lyrical use of open sky and vast desert expanse which serves as a canvas upon which the dreams of an expanding young Republic are ---"
"Yes, yes. That John Wayne."
"May I ask why, Comrade Stalin?"
"Roy Rogers."
"Sorry?"
"Roy Rogers. I love Roy Rogers. 'The Singing Cowboy.' Ah yes, Dimitrov, many's the time when, after a particularly nasty purge, the songs of Roy Rogers have soothed my nerves. He's so handsome. So sturdy. And his horse Trigger -- an animal worthy of the New Soviet Man!"
"And this relates to John Wayne, how?"
"Idiot! John Wayne is Hollywood A-List! Roy Rogers is stuck in B-pictures! Room must be made at the top! Surely this is as clear as the parasitic nature of capitalism?!"
"Yes Comrade Stalin! Right away!"
"And make it look like an accident."
"Yes, of course Comrade Stalin!"
[Dimitrov exits. Stalin dons a bright red cowboy hat with white tassels, and begins singing.]
"Happy Trails, to you . . . Until we meet again . . . Happy Trails, to you . . ."
[CUT TO: A Hollywood bar. John Wayne is doing shots when an industry old-timer dashes in.]
"Duke! Duke! Have ya heard the news?"
"What's news is that, Pete?"
"Josef Stalin is gunning for ya! Sez yer a yellow-bellied sidewinder of the exploitative class!"
"Well pardner, you tell Stalin that if he wants to dance, I have a spot open on my card!"
'YEEEEEHAW! That's tellin' 'em Duke!"
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