>
>http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=529
>SADDAM: FOR $30 BILLION, I WILL ATTACK MYSELF
>
>Bush Calls Upon 'Coalition of the Willing to be Bought'
>
>In a stunning development, Iraqi President Saddam Hussein today offered to
>attack himself in exchange for $30 billion from the U.S. government.
>
>The surprising offer came in a day when President George W. Bush exhorted
>America's allies to join what he called "a coalition of the willing to be
>bought."
>
>Speaking to a group called the Veterans of Foreign Investments, the
>President said, "It is time for each of our allies to look deep within and
>ask this question: Who wants to be a billionaire?"
>
>The President reminded the allies that since the Turkish legislature had
>turned down the U.S.'s request to base troops there for an Iraq attack,
>"Turkey's $30 billion in prize money remains unclaimed."
>
>Moments after the President's speech, French President Jacques Chirac made a
>surprise announcement of his own, saying that France would be willing to
>attack Turkey for $30 billion.
>
>"France has no argument with the people of Turkey," Mr. Chirac said. "But
>$30 billion is a lot of cake."
>
>But Mr. Chirac was soon upstaged by Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein,
>appearing on Iraqi national television to say, "For $30 billion, I will
>attack myself, and I will prevail."
>
>While some in NATO expressed optimism that Saddam's proposal could avert a
>war with Iraq, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer was openly dismissive of
>Saddam's offer to attack himself, calling it "a charade."
>
>"He's telling the world that he'll attack himself and he'll prevail, but
>once he gets our money, he'll attack himself and lose," Mr. Fleischer said.
>"It's just more of his double-talk."
>---------------------------------------------
>This guy's a lunatic. Check out his other stuff:
>
>U.S. WOULD ACCEPT EXILE FOR HANS BLIX
>Military Action to Remove Blix 'Last Resort,' White House Hints
>http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=488
>
>BLIX: SADDAM RESPONDED TO INTERNET OFFER TO MAKE MISSILE BIGGER
>Inspectors Uncover Hidden Cache of Miracle Herb
>http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=520