IRAQ LAND FOR EACH AMERICAN, TABLOID PROMISES
WEEKLY WORLD NEWS - A Super-secret White House initiative promises to take some of the sting out of the coming depression by giving every man, woman and child in America "a piece of Iraq" after we crush Saddam Hussein in the coming war. Sources confirm that President George W. Bush hit on the plan after polls showed increasing numbers of Americans are beginning to believe that bombing Hussein and his country into oblivion and then sending a U.S. governor to run the place might not be such a good idea. Details are sketchy. But a source familiar with the plan says Iraq "is going to be divvied up like the cake at a child's birthday party. "Every American will be deeded a small, postage stamp-sized plot of Iraqi soil as a memento of our victory," the insider confided to reporters in Washington. "And thousands of Americans, those with the best contacts in Congress and the White House, will get larger, vegetable garden-sized plots. "If by luck your deeded plot is in the vicinity of an oil well, you and your descendants will rake in a share of profits until the well runs dry.