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<blockquote type=cite cite><font size=5><b>Tortured Ugandan Political
Prisoner Wishes Uganda Had Oil<br>
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</b></font>KAMPALA, UGANDA—A day after having his hands amputated by
soldiers backing President Yoweri Museveni's brutal regime, Ugandan
political prisoner Otobo Ankole expressed regret Monday over Uganda's
lack of oil reserves. "I dream of the U.S. one day fighting for the
liberation of the oppressed Ugandan people," said Ankole as he
nursed his bloody stumps. "But, alas, our number-one natural
resource is sugar cane." Ankole, whose wife, parents, and five
children were among the 4,000 slaughtered in Uganda's ethnic killings of
2002, then bowed his head and said a prayer for petroleum.<br>
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<a href="http://www.theonion.com/onion3915/new_fox_reality_show.html" eudora="autourl">http://www.theonion.com/onion3915/new_fox_reality_show.html</a><br>
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<font size=5><b>New Fox Reality Show to Determine Ruler of Iraq<br>
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</b></font>LOS ANGELES—Fox executives Monday unveiled their latest
reality-TV venture, <i>Appointed By America,</i> a new series in which
contestants vie for the top spot in Iraq's post-war government...<br>
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"What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. That is
the entire Law; all the rest is commentary."<br>
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--Rabbi Hillel </blockquote></html>