MR. SHOW'S BOOK CLUB This Month's Recommended Read
(from Bob Odenkirk)
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HORNSWAGGLED!!! How the Me of Now was Tricked by the Me of Yesterday into Going to War by President George W. Bush
Excerpt from Chapter 3:
A MEETING I WAS AT
One meeting I remember from that time was particularly indicational of the nurture of my administration.
It was in early October, just barely a month after that great, uh, conflagration, uh, destruction, of the two towers. The meeting was held at the pool room of my ranch house in Texas. In the meeting were Colyn "The C Man" Powell, Condolisa "The Condor" Rice, and Dick "Big Dick" Cheney, and of course, "Stinker", (that's me), well, the me of a year and a half ago, The Me of the Past, and we were to have a brief briefing uh, on terroristic insurgencies, uh, activities.
The Me of the Past started the meeting abruptly, seemingly coming out of nowhere with the question; "What about Iraq?" Condo responded, "What about Iraq, Mr. President? We briefed you on that, there are no substantial ties-"
I cut her off, whipping out a new nickname, "Quit your jawin', Jawbone!" (Because she has a prominent jaw). "What do you have to say, Chain Gang?"
Dick Cheney took a moment to realize he had been re-christened with one of my patented "nick-ers".
"I'm behind you, sir, I mean.Iraq is a loose cannon, always has been, what they don't tell us, what we don't know about them, is so much more than what we do. Hussein is a terror to his people, and the world. Everything we know tells us he's not coming clean, so he must have something to hide, that's what you're thinking, I'm sure, and I stand behind you."
It hadn't been what I was thinking, but it felt real nice to have someone so crafty, bald, and rich, buttering my butt so sweetly, and The Me of the Past just nodded. Then, even though that was all The Me of the Past needed, I checked in with "Pow-pow" (because guess who had a new nickname for him?.in fact, 2 new nick-ers!! -read on!)
"Powtuckett, where do you stand on this issue, because frankly Colliflower, I am enhanced to head right into Iraq full bore, right now."
My beady eyes darted around the room, trying to register how these new nicknames were working. When a good nickname works, it perks people up. It's like there's suddenly, for only a brief moment, a beautiful butterfly fluttering off to the side of the person who's been nicknamed. Their eyes look away, a tiny smile jerks the corners of their mouth, and a warm draft of air seems to envelope the nicknamer and the nicknamed. I could tell "Powtuckett" had been sweaty and a "stretch", but Colliflower was still up for debate. It had whimsy to spare, but perhaps that would doom it to the trash bin where clunky nicknames go, a bin I have dubbed "Trashy".
Colin hesitated, still tasting the nickname in the mouth of his brain. Then, with a grimace like a person who accidentally ate some of that sushi mustard, he carried on, "Sir, uh, I think you mean me, so, I would say, in regards to Iraq, remember the Pottery Barn Rule: You break it, you bought it."
The nickname had fallen, tragically, uh.despairitively, wide of it's mark. Back to the drawing board ("Draw-sey").
I believe this is where the Me of Now was really led astray by the Me of the Past into the quagmire that Iraq is swiftly becoming. Tragicumically, the Me of Now was not invited to speak to the Me of the Past. Not in the meeting described heretofore, nor at other "thens", nor not, uh, never. Otherwise the good ol' "U.S. of A-team" might not be in Doo-Doo Central*.
*my nickname for Iraq, now.