Answer Yes or No to the following. To find out if you should vote Bush/Cheney or Kerry/Edwards visit the luscious Betty Bowers' web site:
If you are listening to children reading "My Pet Goat" and are told, "America is under attack," would you callously snub Jesus' precious babies by getting up and doing something to help America?
Through a steady diet of righteous put-downs and Xanax do you ensure that your wife shows appropriate deference and supplication, transforming her wicked Eve-like instinct to offer her own thoughts and suggestions into complete obedience and submission to your masculine will as is demanded by the Apostle Paul (and, through His subsequent silence, acceded to by the Lord Jesus)?
Do you trust the Lord Jesus with all your heart, to the point that you would unquestioningly act on the advice He whispers in your ear about which people to kill even if those recommendations seem to contradict Jesus' surely erroneously transcribed pacifistic mumblings of the New Testament?
Should our tax dollars be used to rip little Christian babies from their mothers' wombs and hack them to pieces just so that GOP-Convention-snubber Nancy Reagan can perform ghastly science experiments on their cute little stem cells?
Do you recognize that the Lord Jesus has imbued the Attorney General with such ferocious curiosity about American citizen's phone conversations and choice of friends that it is unreasonable to allow a piece of paper called the "Constitution" to interfere with the slaking of the Lord's righteous thirst for knowledge and gossip?
Will you encourage, rather than prosecute, Christians industrious enough to act upon the tips Jesus gives them as to which people He wants them to mock, marginalize and hate this year?
Will you force innocent children to submit to wildly alluring sales pitches of satanic homosexual recruiters in public schools, but slap them senseless if they dare to stand on their little desks and scream out a frenzied prayer for Jesus to show their little unsaved Jewish classmates what's what?
Will you snatch our precious guns from our cold, dead hands until the only people who have personal assault weapons in this country are colored men with million-dollar rap record deals?
Will you cheer when babies are aborted on purpose, but arrest folks if they run over a spotted owl by accident with their Hummer or minivan?
Will you clog our nation's city halls with overly-perfumed homosexuals applying for marriage licenses, thereby undermining the sanctity of marriage and requiring True Christians to wait in longer lines for each of their many marriage licenses?
Would you be so unwilling to kill for Christ that you would cowardly await so-called "facts" to corroborate stated reasons before sending American troops to their righteous deaths?
This voter guide is available as a downloadable Acrobat file that you can print and pass out at your non-Catholic church: http://www.bettybowers.com/2004voterguide.pdf
"We're in a fucking stagmire."
--Little Carmine, 'The Sopranos'