In a cave along the Pakistani-Afghani border, Matt Taibbi recently sat down with the man who brought 9/11 to the United States, and the long scary beard back to the Middle East.
New York Press: GOOD MORNING. Thanks for sitting down with me.
OBL: No problem. Did you bring the latest issue of Essence?
NYP: Right here.
OBL: Thanks.
NYP: That's okay. So, did you really have plans to blow up the Citicorp building?
OBL: Refresh my memory.
NYP: The Citicorp building. In New York. There were new reports you planned to blow it up.
OBL: (squinting) I'm trying to get a picture.
NYP: The big white one in the 50s. Looks like a giant tee marker.
OBL: Oh, right. Well, probably we were, yes. But nothing on the front burner.
NYP: Is there a particular reason that the United States announced a terror alert about it and about several other locations this week?
OBL: Not that I know of. But I tend not to spend a lot of time worrying about where people like your Mr. Ridge get their information.
NYP: You don't even want to speculate?
OBL: I couldn't possibly guess. Perhaps he has headaches and his neighbor Sam's German shepherd talks to him at night.
NYP: (laughing) I hadn't thought of that one.
OBL: Neither had I, until just now. But I like it. Maybe I'll use it in my next speech.
NYP: Are you planning a major act of terror in the United States in the near future?
OBL: That depends. Honestly, we haven't decided who we want as your president yet. Both have pluses and minuses.
NYP: How's that?
OBL: Bush we can count on to go stumbling around the planet with his dick in his hand, giving us a whole bunch of troops to shoot at. He'll divide the entire world and turn this whole thing into a referendum not just on us, but on the United States. On the other hand, I just love that Kerry. We have a guard here who does a great impersonation.
NYP: Can you do one?
OBL: I try, but it comes out sounding like Katharine Hepburn. I do a pretty good Michael Madsen, though. ...
<http://www.nypress.com/17/32/news&columns/MattTaibbi.cfm>
Carl
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