On Thursday, February 5, 2004, at 11:01 AM, Doug Henwood wrote:
> Dear Editor,
>
> Please consider this Op-Ed submission from the Ayn Rand Institute.
>
>
> LOVE AND SELFISHNESS
> The False View of Love as Selfless and Unconditional Destroys its
> Sublime Value.
>
> By Gary Hull
>
> Every Valentine's Day a certain philosophic crime is
> perpetrated. Actually, it is committed year-round, but its
> destructiveness is magnified on this holiday. The crime is the
> propagation of a widely accepted falsehood: the idea that love is
> selfless.
>
> Love, we are repeatedly taught, consists of self-sacrifice.
> Love based on self-interest, we are admonished, is cheap and sordid.
> True love, we are told, is altruistic. But is it?
>
> Imagine a Valentine's Day card which takes this premise
> seriously. Imagine receiving a card with the following message: "I get
> no pleasure from your existence. I obtain no personal enjoyment from
> the way you look, dress, move, act or think. Our relationship profits
> me not. You satisfy no sexual, emotional or intellectual needs of
> mine. You're a charity case, and I'm with you only out of pity. Love,
> XXX."
>
> Needless to say, you would be indignant to learn that you are
> being "loved," not for anything positive you offer your lover,
> but--like any recipient of alms--for what you lack. Yet that is the
> perverse view of love entailed in the belief that it is
> self-sacrificial.
>
> Genuine love is the exact opposite. It is the most selfish
> experience possible, in the true sense of the term: it benefits your
> life in a way that involves no sacrifice of others to yourself or of
> yourself to others.
>
> To love a person is selfish because it means that you value
> that particular person, that he or she makes your life better, that he
> or she is an intense source of joy--to you. A "disinterested" love is
> a contradiction in terms. One cannot be neutral to that which one
> values. The time, effort and money you spend on behalf of someone you
> love are not sacrifices, but actions taken because his or her
> happiness is crucially important to your own. Such actions would
> constitute sacrifices only if they were done for a stranger--or for an
> enemy. Those who argue that love demands self-denial must hold the
> bizarre belief that it makes no personal difference whether your loved
> one is healthy or sick, feels pleasure or pain, is alive or dead.
>
> It is regularly asserted that love should be unconditional, and
> that we should "love everyone as a brother." We see this view
> advocated by the "non-judgmental" grade-school teacher who tells his
> class that whoever brings a Valentine's Day card for one student must
> bring cards for everyone. We see it in the appalling dictum of "Hate
> the sin, but love the sinner"--which would have us condemn death camps
> but send Hitler a box of Godiva chocolates. Most people would agree
> that having sex with a person one despises is debased. Yet somehow,
> when the same underlying idea is applied to love, people consider it
> noble.
>
> Love is far too precious to be offered indiscriminately. It is
> above all in the area of love that egalitarianism ought to be
> repudiated. Love represents an exalted exchange--a spiritual
> exchange--between two people, for the purpose of mutual benefit.
>
> You love someone because he or she is a value--a selfish value
> to you, as determined by your standards--just as you are a value to
> him or her.
>
> It is the view that you ought to be given love
> unconditionally--the view that you do not deserve it any more than
> some random bum, the view that it is not a response to anything
> particular in you, the view that it is causeless--which exemplifies
> the most ignoble conception of this sublime experience.
>
> The nature of love places certain demands on those who wish to
> enjoy it. You must regard yourself as worthy of being loved. Those who
> expect to be loved, not because they offer some positive value, but
> because they don't--i.e., those who demand love as altruistic
> duty--are parasites. Someone who says "Love me just because I need it"
> seeks an unearned spiritual value--in the same way that a thief seeks
> unearned wealth. To quote a famous line from The Fountainhead: "To say
> 'I love you,' one must know first how to say the 'I.'"
>
> Valentine's Day--with its colorful cards, mouth-watering
> chocolates and silky lingerie--gives material form to this spiritual
> value. It is a moment for you to pause, to ignore the trivialities of
> life--and to celebrate the selfish pleasure of being worthy of
> someone's love and of having found someone worthy of yours.
> _____________________________________________________________________
>
> Gary Hull, Ph.D. in philosophy, is a senior writer for the Ayn Rand
> Institute (www.aynrand.org) in Irvine, Calif.
> The Institute promotes the philosophy of Ayn Rand, author of Atlas
> Shrugged and The Fountainhead. Send reactions to reaction at aynrand.org
>
> Copyright © 2004 Ayn Rand® Institute, 2121 Alton Parkway, Suite 250,
> Irvine, CA, 92606. All rights reserved.
>
> If you plan to use this Op-Ed, please send an email to
> media at aynrand.org with your publication's
> name and the expected date of publication. Thank you.
>
> David Holcberg
> Media Department, Ayn Rand Institute
> Phone: (949) 222-6550 ext. 226
> E-mail: davidh at aynrand.org
>
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