[lbo-talk] Savage: How to cheat in the Iowa Caucus

Michael Pollak mpollak at panix.com
Wed Jan 7 20:45:34 PST 2004


URL: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/07/opinion/07SAVA.html

The New York Times In America January 7, 2004

OP-ED CONTRIBUTOR

How to Be an Iowan for a Day

By DAN SAVAGE

S EATTLE--It is a grand and glorious thing to be a footnote to a

presidential election.

I was in Iowa in January 2000 to write about the Republican caucuses

when I came down with the flu. Gary Bauer, a Republican candidate, had

been running around the state comparing gay marriage to terrorism.

Annoyed, I decided that if Mr. Bauer was going to call me a terrorist,

well, I would act like one a biological terrorist. (I know, I know,

but this was pre-9/11, when terrorism was still a cheap bit of

hyperbole for the likes of Mr. Bauer and me.) So I hung out at Bauer

headquarters in Des Moines, where I worked the phones, masqueraded as

a volunteer, and tried to give Gary Bauer the flu. To that end, I may

or may not have licked a few doorknobs at Bauer HQ.

I wrote up all of this up for Salon, and for my trouble what can I

say? I was young and foolish I was slapped around in the national

press, slammed on the Sunday political chat shows and charged with a

felony. When people heard that the gay guy who licked the doorknobs in

Gary Bauer's office had been charged with a crime, most assumed it was

for licking those doorknobs. This was not the case. Licking doorknobs

is not a crime in Iowa. No, Iowa tried to send me to prison for six

years because I registered to vote while I was in Iowa. I did this

even though I mean, come on I had no intention of ever living there.

As a citizen and, um, a respectable journalist, I was appalled when I

learned that you didn't need a valid voter registration card or proof

of residency any identification at all to take part in Iowa's

caucuses. All you had to do was show up at a caucus site and fill out

a voter registration card. While Iowa's caucuses don't determine the

Democratic or Republican nominee, they play a big role in shaping the

presidential race. With huge numbers of volunteers and true believers

flooding into the state, the potential for mischief seemed huge.

So I went to a caucus site, gave the address of my hotel in Des Moines

as my "residence" when I registered (no one asked how long I intended

to reside in Iowa), and took part in the caucus. As it turned out, I

didn't even need to register when it came time to indicate whom we

supported for president, slips of scrap paper were passed out to

everyone in the room. There was nothing to stop someone who hadn't

signed in, or even registered to vote, from grabbing a piece of paper

and jotting down a name. I told this story in my articles. I thought I

was being a good citizen, pointing out the flaws in the system.

Instead, I was charged with a felony. (I eventually pleaded guilty to

a misdemeanor and paid a small fine.)

I bring this up now because the ease with which Iowa's caucuses can be

abused seems especially problematic this year. Every campaign since

the dawn of our democracy has attracted people willing to bend the

rules or game the system to get their candidate elected. According to

The Des Moines Register, only 61,000 Democrats and 86,000 Republicans

participated in the Iowa caucuses in 2000. Throw in a bunch of young,

energized, devoted volunteers like the hordes of Howard Dean

supporters I've seen leaving Seattle for Iowa in their hybrid cars

over the last couple of weeks and, well, you get the picture. In a

nine-way contest, even a few hundred out-of-state volunteers willing

to show up at caucus sites and impersonate Iowans could distort the

outcome on behalf of their candidate.

Last week, I called the Polk County Election Office in Des Moines and

was told that you still don't need to produce any identification to

fill out a voter registration card; according to the Democratic Party

of Iowa, you can register at the caucus sites without any proof of

residency. That means Deaniacs, Liebermaniacs, Edwardians, Kerryactics

and Gepharatchiks from outside Iowa need only follow a few simple

steps if they want to participate in the Iowa caucuses: don't bring

identification, don't put your real name on the voter registration

form you'll be asked to fill out and don't write about your exploits

on your blogs. Alas, this means you won't get caught, and that you

won't be a footnote in a presidential election (a grand and glorious

thing), but you won't be looking at six years in prison either six

years in prison in Iowa, let's not forget.

And some advice for the press: While you're in Iowa, maybe one or two

reporters could ask Iowa's elections officials about why it's so easy

to take part in the caucuses; maybe some enterprising news

organization could scrutinize the voter-registration cards filled out

this year. If Iowa wants to keep its disproportionately influential

presidential caucus if Iowa wants to be the center of attention every

four years shouldn't the state make it a little harder to cheat?

Dan Savage, editor of The Stranger, a weekly newspaper, is author of

"Skipping Towards Gomorrah."

Copyright 2004 The New York Times Company



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