L is definitely going to see a physician ASAP. I should have mentioned that! I know how difficult it is to get good care. The ex-MIL had been seeing elves and was feeding a "friend" the meals I made her. We'd take her to the hospital, they'd run an Alzheimer's test, she'd pass with flying colors. We'd go home to spend the night taking her to the bathroom because she had to urinate every five minutes. She didn't really, she just had the urge. The next day, we'd take her again, but the symptoms had passed. This is a characteristic of multi-infarct dementia: dramatic loss of functioning from the small stroke then recuperation of most of those capacities.
Her GP had her on 15 different kinds of meds! One of those meds? Prescription strength dramamine prescribed because she was...dizzy! When I asked him why he hadn't been looking for something blocking blood supply to the brain he said: "Your MIL thinks medicine will help her. I prescribed it." uh.
My mother, who'd become a nurse at 45 and had a keen interest in drug interactions, was horrified! We ended up having to detox my ex-MIL first! Long story short, I spent a weekend at the library hunting down all the research, then grabbed Doc Pill Pusher by the short hairs and made him look at the research on multi-infarct dementia. Last I knew, this flake was the recipient of some award for being an outstanding physician. Whatever. (Don't even get me started on the dumbass who'd diagnosed an ex-BIL with diabetes, treated him for five years, only to discover he had no such thing!)
Obviously, I know we need a real diagnosis. I guess I should have conveyed that what I was looking for was good places to start. I didn't mean to alarm anyone with the idea that she isn't going to get a dX! I've gotten a ton of good ideas and I appreciate it. I can't convey how much I appreciate it.
Given my experience, I know it's imperative that you do a lot of legwork if you want decent care. Also, as intelligent as L's sisters and brother are, they're family and it is tempting to deny ane/or to be so busy that you go with whatever the MD says. I have mainly dealt with people who just never ask any questions. The big words and poor bedside manner of so many physicians is off-putting: they think they have no right to question anything and they feel stupid so they are afraid to ask for an explanation. Fortunately, that isn't the situation this time around. The problem here is geography. (I always ask the market/family values conservatives how they justify economic policies that force families to scatter all over to find work if they lived in economically depressed areas. Hard to be family-oriented if you live 3000 miles away and are struggling to survive with jobs that have no benefits, where you're penalized for taking the time off you do get.)
Carrol reminded me that diagnoses of depression can come later in life. I had forgotten that he'd mentioned this. I think this is quite possible. I can easily see L as having had bipolar disorder for quite some time.
As far as I know, she's not on any meds. She IS big on alternative medicine and frequents people who advise things like coffee enemas to cleanse the liver.
Brain tumor? My ex BIL died from a brain tumor and I know that it was precipitated by a year of bizarre behavior: sleeping around, picking fights with his family, productivity declined precipitously at work, asked his wife for a divorce out of the blue, took off for a weekend, no one knew where he'd gone. All of which culminated in an attempted suicide. Visiting him at the psych ward, he was certainly paranoid delusional.
L had insurance when she worked as a bookeeper at a bakery. She quit the bakery last autumn to work for an art museum. I haven't yet figured out if she was rec'g benefits with this new job. And, in any case, she quit that job in March so she could stay home and guard her things from the "sneaks" -- those are the Feds who are spying on her. I haven't looked into Cobra to find out if you're covered if you quit a job.
Her son lives in Oregon and they're moving her there first week of August. He's a lawyer; Harvard on a scholarship.
I don't think she's a danger to herself. She hasn't been exhibiting signs of memory loss or confusion. Mainly, she's paranoid and agoraphobic. She won't leave her house because she's afraid the 'sneaks' will go through her stuff again. A local store delivers groceries and the mailman is bringing things to her door rather than the apt complex mailbox. She has two friends in her apt complex who've been helping her. They are the ones who contacted her son, who'd convinced her to move to OR. One of them did take her to a nurse friend, but the nurse said she obviously needed a physician. L never followed through so I suspect she had no insurance at this point. I think she'll be receptive to visiting a physician. She had no problem seeing a nurse, as long as someone guarded her home. She also knows she needs help: she went so far as to ask her mother to help and she's not always fond of being around her mom.
I'd say that her problems probably started last autumn. I spoke with her on the phone because I hadn't heard from her--we used to exchange daily e-mails and reg. phone calls. She wasn't on the computer b/c she said it's been infected with malware. What she was describing didn't make any sense (in terms of the possible viruses, Trojans, spyware) but I chalked it up to the fact that she's not especially computer-literate. In the past, we've talked her through vrius repair and reinstalls, but she seemed too stressed to deal with it. So, we told her to take it to a shop. This was also around the time she was having a huge fight with her father.
She never got back online the way she had been. I chalked it up to the new job. She started writing again, mainly outraged about the Busheviks, but then we heard nothing. My partner said she believed the computer repair shop placed a mic on her computer. I only heard about this last week. Had I known a few months ago, I would have been concerned. Why wasn't he? Well, L has always acted a bit 'kooky.' Into New Age religion, engrossed by the DaVinci Code last time I talked with her, visited tarot card readers, talks about telepathic communication, premonitions, and channeling. (who would think anything unusual. I know so many people who've actually called television fortune tellers, sometimes racking up huge cc debt! Some of them actually use this to plan their lives!)
All of this was precipitated by a horrible argument with her father, one that led to quite a bit of dissension among the siblings (3 sisters and a brother). That was bad enough that I can certainly see how it triggered a crisis.
While she's not a Santa Fe native, she'd moved there after her divorce. Why? No one really knows. There were no family/friends there. We figured she moved there because it was familiar geography, but had liberal politics. She'd been living in Alaska with her then husband. That was five years ago. She made friends and got involved in book reading groups. Outward appearances suggested she was handling things fine. I should know better. She could have been massively depressed, just not showing the signs because, well, it's hard to do that if you have to make a living.
Thanks again, all. I really appreciate the encouragement, knowledge and experience. I'll try to get back to folks as time permits. I'll certainly try to update those who've asked as I learn more.
Kelley
"We're in a fucking stagmire."
--Little Carmine, 'The Sopranos'