[lbo-talk] The Iraq war: release versions

joanna bujes jbujes at covad.net
Sat Mar 27 09:32:04 PST 2004


War Rationale: Version 10.0 http://www.tompaine.com/feature2.cfm/ID/10143

Here then, in Silicon Valley terms, is a review of the Bush administration's year in Iraq:

Saddam Hussein poses an 'imminent threat' to the American people.

* Version 1.0 - Saddam Hussein is an imminent threat

* Version 1.01 - Saddam Hussein is a gathering threat

* Version 1.02 - Saddam Hussein poses a real and dangerous threat

* Version 1.1 - The smoking gun will be a mushroom cloud

* Version 1.2 - We can't afford to wait

* Version 1.3 - We never said imminent

* Version 1.3.1 - OK, maybe we did say it once or twice

* Version 1.4 - We should have been more precise

Saddam Hussein is ready to use weapons of mass destruction.

* Version 2.1 - Saddam has weapons of mass destruction

* Version 2.2 - Saddam has nuclear weapons

* Version 2.3 - Saddam has biological agents he's never accounted for

* Version 2.3.1 - The trailers are mobile labs for producing chemical weapons

* Version 2.3.2 - Unmanned aircraft are ready to spread Saddam's biological weapons

* Version 2.4 - Saddam's going to make more of all these weapons

* Version 2.5 - We all know where the weapons are

* Version 2.5.1 - Well, Saddam has used weapons of mass destruction

* Version 2.5.2 - Iraq is a big country. We'll find the weapons eventually.

* Version 2.5.3 - Saddam had weapons of mass destruction programs

* Version 2.5.4 - Saddam had "weapons of mass destruction program-related activities"

* Version 2.5.5 - David Kay? Who's David Kay?

* Version 2.6 - It's not about misleading the American people-Saddam Hussein is gone and that's the most important thing

The intelligence is clear.

* Version 3.0 - We based our statements on our available intelligence

* Version 3.1 - Saddam tried to buy uranium ore in Niger

* Version 3.1.2 - Well, that was what the British told us

* Version 3.1.3 - Did we tell you about Joe Wilson's wife?

* Version 3.1.4 - Do you know a good lawyer?

* Version 3.2 - The intelligence is absolutely clear

* Version 3.2.1 - Intelligence is never 100 percent certain

* Version 3.2.2 - We didn't manipulate the intelligence

* Version 3.3 - There was no consensus within the intelligence community

* Version 3.3.1 - We saw the same intelligence the last administration did

Saddam Hussein has deep ties to Al Qaeda.

* Version 4.0 - Saddam has long-standing ties to Al Qaeda

* Version 4.0.1 - You can't distinguish between Saddam and Al Qaeda

* Version 4.0.2 - There is an Al Qaeda terrorist network in Iraq

* Version 4.0.3 - Saddam has provided Al Qaeda with chemical and biological weapons training.

* Version 4.0.4 - Saddam will give his weapons to Al Qaeda

* Version 4.0.5 - Colin Powell: I have not seen smoking-gun, concrete evidence about the connection [between Al Qaeda and Iraq]

* Version 4.0.6 - Vice President Cheney: I still believe there's a connection.

* Version 4.0.7 - CIA Director George Tenet: I told Dick not to say that.

The United Nations just can't handle this.

* Version 5.0 - The UN had 12 years to deal with this

* Version 5.1 - We don't trust the UN to handle this

* Version 5.1.1 - We don't need the UN's help

* Version 5.1.2 - The UN should play a vital, but not central role

* Version 5.1.3 - You there, UN, tell Ayatollah Sistani that elections aren't possible

* Version 5.1.4 - UN, please oversee the election process

* Version 5.1.5 - Pretty please? We'll pay our dues

The war in Iraq won't hurt our efforts in Afghanistan or the hunt for bin Laden.

* Version 6.0 - Iraq won't affect our hunt for bin Laden

* Version 6.1 - Assets have been moved from Afghanistan to Iraq

* Version 6.1.1 - Assets are being returned to Afghanistan

* Version 6.2 - We're mounting a spring offensive against bin Laden

* Version 6.2.1 - We'll catch bin Laden this year

* Version 6.2.2 - We hope to catch bin Laden this year

* Version 6.3 - Even if we catch bin Laden, the threat will still exist.

Mission accomplished.

* Version 7.0 - We won't need hundreds of thousands of troops-that's wildly off the mark

* Version 7.1 - Mission accomplished

* Version 7.1.1 - We'll stay as long as needed and not one day more

* Version 7.1.2 - The troops will be home in six months

* Version 7.1.3 - The Iraqi Army will provide security

* Version 7.1.4 - Where's the Iraqi Army?

* Version 7.1.5 - We've disbanded the Iraqi Army

* Version 7.1.3 - The troops will stay a year and be replaced

* Version 7.2 - We're training the Iraqi army-Iraqification will work

* Version 7.2.1 - We don't need any more American troops

* Version 7.2.2 - Well, maybe we do

* Version 7.2.3 - We're keeping 30,000 more troops on active duty than were authorized

* Version 7.2.4 - We don't know if this increase in troops is a spike or a plateau

* Version 7.2.5 - We're establishing stop loss so troops can't leave

* Version 7.2.6 - The Army is planning multi-year rotations

The cost to the American taxpayer.

* Version 8.0 - Economic advisor Larry Lindsey: The war will cost $200 billion

* Version 8.0.1 - President Bush: You're fired!

* Version 8.1 - The war will pay for itself very quickly

* Version 8.1.1 - Iraqi oil revenue will pay for reconstruction

* Version 8.2 - Our allies will help us

* Version 8.3 - We'll pay for the war through supplementals

* Version 8.3.1 - Congress wouldn't let us put it in the budget

* Version 8.3.2 - Can we please have $87 billion?

* Version 8.3.3 - Well, we really can't calculate what it will cost...

* Version 8.3.4 - Well, maybe we can-$50 billion may be on the low side

* Version 8.3.5 - Ask us after November 2...

Democracy comes to Iraq.

* Version 9.0 - We will be greeted as liberators

* Version 9.0.1 - We'll establish democracy in Iraq

* Version 9.1 - We'll turn this back to the Iraqis quickly

* Version 9.1.1 - President Chalabi will be welcomed with open arms

* Version 9.1.2 - Well, not so fast-we're prohibiting political parties

* Version 9.2 - We have the November 15 agreement-it's unchangeable

* Version 9.2.1 - We will appoint a small governing council

* Version 9.2.2 - Well, maybe a larger one

* Version 9.3 - We don't favor elections

* Version 9.3.1 - Caucuses work in Iowa, why not Iraq?

* Version 9.3.2 - OK fine, we'll have elections

* Version 9.4 - We can't return sovereignty until there is a constitution

* Version 9.4.1 - Never mind, we'll turn over sovereignty first

* Version 9.4.2 - We need to return this to the Iraqis-How about June 30?

* Version 9.4.3 - We're still focused on elections-the ones on November 2

The bottom line.

* Version 10.0 - Trust us. We know what we're doing



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