michaelberube.com:
Wed May 05, 2004 Wingnuts induce satire crisis INSULT-UPON-INJURY, New York (AP)-- Conservative commentators have induced a "satire crisis" for liberal and progressive bloggers in recent days, producing a stream of remarks so bizarre and unhinged that the blogosphere's sharpest wits are at a loss to respond, according to a statement released today by the newly-formed Association of Flabbergasted Liberals.
"It started, as it always does, with Rush Limbaugh," noted an AFL spokesman. "First he said that the *torture and rape at Abu Ghraib was nothing more than you'd see at a Britney Spears or Madonna concert, or maybe Lincoln Center*, and now he's saying that it was just a bunch of people 'having a good time.' What can you do with that? Look at Ezra Klein over at Pandagon-- all he can do is say he's *speechless* at this stuff. It's all any of us can do. Seriously, Limbaugh can work himself into a froth about Bill Clinton transferring some people out of the White House travel office, but when he's faced with systemic human rights atrocities-- and not just any atrocities, mind you, but really vile atrocities involving innocent Iraqi civilians, women, and children, atrocities that will damage irreparably America's moral standing and foster rabid anti-American sentiment throughout the Arab world, as even the most delusional neoconservative in the PNAC house knows by now-- first he associates them with Lincoln Center liberals and then he calls them 'a good time'?
"But it doesn't end with Rush," the spokesman added, on condition that he not be identified as one of the left blogosphere's many anonymous pundits. "Take Linda Chavez's recent argument that *Abu Ghraib is to be blamed on women in the military.* Did you know that that one column killed six Daily Show jokes that were already in production? What are we going to do now, blame Abu Ghraib on gay marriages in Massachusetts?"
The strain has been felt most severely at Tom Burka's site, "Opinions You Should Have," as Burka works overtime to try to stay ahead of the massive right-wing mental collapse. "It's like trying to outrun a tsunami," Burka might have said if I had interviewed him. "Yesterday I posted a story about *Bush blaming Clinton for prisoner abuse in Iraq.* But I'm well aware that before too long, someone in the Bush administration will have basically cribbed my work line for line-- particularly the line,
"President Clinton's failure to act directly caused the horrors we have discovered today," Bush continued. "If President Clinton had invaded Iraq when he should have, this would never have happened."
"I just know that's going to be the centerpiece of Bush's campaign by the middle of next week. Honestly, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up."
Burka's remarks were seconded by would-be satirists everywhere, one of whom tried to find a silver lining in the crisis: "sure, it hurts being outdone by one's enemies," he admitted. "But on the other hand, it's not a bad thing watching wingnuts' heads explode. And maybe after a month or two of serial wingnut explosions, most reasonable people will have finally realized that the right-wing media consists of fools, toadies, and moral reprobates. Now, if only that jackass Ted Rall would *shut* the hell *up*, we could be in decent shape around here."
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Unedited Rush:
"Folks, these torture pictures with the women torturers, I mean Marv Albert looking at those pictures would say, 'Hey, that doesn't look so bad.' You know, if you really look at these pictures, I mean I don't know if it's just me but it looks like anything you'd see Madonna or Britney Spears do on stage. Maybe you can get an NEA grant for something like this. I mean this is something you can see at Lincoln Center from an NEA grant, maybe on Sex in the City: the Movie. I mean, it's just me."
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