These are great -- sort of "lines we would have liked to hear":
"Only someone who hates America could vote for a French-looking peace protester married to an African-American woman whose children were fathered by another man!"
"John is Theresa's *58th* variety, if you know what I mean."
"I can't say for certain if the bulge was a transmitter, but when we shook hands my fillings started playing Bachman-Turner Overdrive."
"A vote for Bush is a vote for at least four more years before a Bush twins Playboy pictorial."
"Say, have you seen the ads from the 'Alabama Guardsmen for Bush' group? Neither have I."
and the winner --
"Nearly 400 tons of explosives are missing from an Iraqi ammunition dump that this administration failed to secure. We can't even trust our president to take a dump!"
"We live under the Confederacy. We're a podunk bunch of swaggering pious hicks."
--Bruce Sterling