[lbo-talk] How the Grinch Stole Marriage

Todd Archer todda39 at hotmail.com
Sat Nov 20 11:42:01 PST 2004


[Forwarded to me by #2 step-daughter. Better than Chip's haikus, says I. Todd]


>
>How the Grinch Stole Marriage
>by Mary Ann Horton, Lisa and Bill Koontz
>(with apologies to Dr. Suess.)
>
>
>
>Every Gay down in Gayville liked Gay Marriage a lot......
>But the Grinch, who lived just east of Gayville, did NOT!!
>
>The Grinch hated happy Gays! The whole Marriage season!
>Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
>It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
>It could be, perhaps, his Florsheims were too tight.
>But I think the most likely reason of all was
>His heart and brain were two sizes too small.
>
>"And they're buying their tuxes!" he snarled with a sneer,
>"Tomorrow's the first Gay Wedding! It's practically here!"
>Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
>"I MUST find some way to stop Gay Marriage from coming!"
>
>For, tomorrow, he knew... All the Gay girls and boys
>would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their vows!
>And then! Oh, the Joys! Oh, the Joys!
>
>And THEN they'd do something he liked least of all!
>Every Gay down in Gayville the tall and the small,
>would stand close together, all happy and blissing.
>They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Gays would start kissing!
>
>"I MUST stop Gay Marriage from coming! ...But HOW?"
>
>Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
>THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
>
>"I know what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat.
>And he went to his closet, grabbed his sheet and his hood.
>And he chuckled, and clucked, with a great Grinchy word!
>"With this beard and this cross, I look just like our Lord!"
>
>"All I need is a Scripture..." The Grinch looked around.
>But, true Scripture is scarce, there was none to be found.
>Did that stop the old Grinch...? No! The Grinch simply said,
>"With no Scripture on Marriage, I'll fake one instead!"
>"It's one man and one woman," the Grinch falsely said.
>
>Then he broke in the courthouse. A rather tight pinch.
>But, if Georgie could do it, then so could the Grinch.
>The little Gay benefits hung in a row.
>"These bennies," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
>
>Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most uncanny,
>around the whole room, and he took every benny!
>Health care for partners! Doctors for kiddies!
>Tax rights! Adoptions! Pensions and Wills!
>And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, with a chill,
>Stuffed all the bags, one by one, in his bill.
>
>Then he slunk to the kitchen, and stole Wedding Cake.
>He cleaned out that icebox and made it look straight.
>He took the Gay-bar keys! He took the Gay Flag.
>Why, that Grinch even took their last Gay birdseed bag!
>
>"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will pocket their Rings."
>And the Grinch grabbed the Rings, and he started to shove
>when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
>He turned around fast, and off flew his hood.
>Little Lisa-Bi Gay behind him sadly stood.
>The Grinch had been caught by small Lisa-Bi.
>She stared at the Grinch and said, "My, oh, my, why?"
>"Why are you taking our Wedding Rings? WHY?"
>
>But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
>He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
>"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Shepherd sneered,
>"The judges are evil, the other states weird."
>"I'll fix the rings there and I'll bring them back here."
>
>It was quarter past dawn... All the Gays, still a-bed,
>all the Gays still a-snooze when he packed up and fled.
>"Pooh-Pooh to the Gays!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
>"They're finding out now no Gay Marriage is coming!"
>"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
>then the Gays down in Gayville will all cry Boo-Hoo!"
>
>He stared down at Gayville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
>Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
>Every Gay down in Gayville, the tall and the small,
>was kissing! Without any bennies at all!
>He HADN'T stopped Marriage from coming! IT CAME!
>Somehow or other, it came just the same!
>
>And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
>stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
>"It came without lawyers, no papers to sort!"
>"It came without licenses, came without courts!"
>And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
>Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
>
>"Maybe Marriage," he thought, "doesn't come from the court.
>Maybe Marriage...perhaps... comes right from the heart.
>Maybe Marriage comes from all the words the Gays say.
>Words like Husband, like Wedding, and Spouse who is Gay."
>And what happened then...? Well...in Gayville they say
>that the Grinch's small brain grew three sizes that day!
>
>And the Gays had their Weddings. They promised for life.
>They swore to be faithful, to Wife and her Wife.
>The Husbands were happy, to each other they vowed
>To be Out and be Honest, be Gay and be Proud.
>They told all their neighbors and friends of their Spouse,
>They told of their Marriage and sharing their house.
>They said "We got Married." They shouted it loud.
>Their marital status was "Married and Proud."
>
>And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
>He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light.
>And he brought back the rings, cake and Gay birdseed bags!
>And he... ...HE HIMSELF... hung the Gay Rainbow Flag!
>...
>The Lord looked down, at the proud and the tall,
>and said "These are my children, and I love them all."
>



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