allah-necklace-500.jpg Photo by Craig Volpe By zuleikha mahmood
i put on a baby yellow sweater and a brown and white polka-dot skirt, so i look conservative almost, except for my jewelry: big yellow-brown earrings, bronze cuff bracelet from a garage sale, and, the shocker, no allah necklace [<http://www.muslimwakeup.com/sex/archives/images/allah-necklace-500.jpg>]. go with my mother and sister to bushra aunty's house up in mountaintop. leena and i used to have sleepovers, watching scary movies that she could never stand. she'd always end up repeating i'm scared zara, i'm scared sab. she's getting married in a month in dubai. i don't even know if that's a city or a country.
leena's not that much older than me, but then she's also thinner and lighter-skinned. still, there's danger here.
the other girls come in hooded, like jedi knights. this is the source of their power. usually my mom heckles hijabis, saying, excuse me but how conceited are you, to think you need to cover even your eyes, or, i'm muslim too, but i don't have to wear a sheet around to prove it. today my mother doesn't say anything because she knows i'll get embarrassed and end up apologizing for her, because i used to know those girls, used to be in the youth group with them, used to watch boys with them. back then the girls would say, of ali or isa or sinan, he's so cute, i hope my father arranges me a marriage with him. they weren't joking, and it's not a joke anymore, not since the iron curtain of hijab fell and i feel too guilty to laugh. it all started with just one girl, anida, who was particularly inspired by the imam who i always used to fight with about whether or not a wetsuit was Islamic attire. anyway, all the women in her family fell, and then hijab spread from girl to girl faster than an std in a whorehouse.
anyway, the hijabi girls all take off their jilbabs to unveil strappy, tight, and glittery dresses that are so prom, and that show a tad too much boob for a bridal shower, even if it is only in front of women. who the hell are they trying to impress?
noor, who got married at fifteen but lied about her age because you have to be sixteen to get married in this state, she's here, and as she takes off her scarf i spy blonde highlights. she is wearing a red dress, a scandalous red dress that skims over her body without missing a damn thing. someone puts arab music on and she dances. she's always been a good dancer. she's been a total bitch for a few years now and i hate that i find her attractive even with her nasty-ass bleached hair so i tell myself it must be the music, and how hips move in it. other girls get up to dance too, and as they move i decide that they are definitely showing way too much boob for a bridal shower.
the whole thing is already feeling kinda erotic when noor's dance teacher comes, to dance for us. auntie bushra hired her. leena is really nice and everything, but she just cannot dance. anyway, the girl who comes to dance is white, too skinny, with moles all over her body, a belly button ring, and a stupid small-of-the-back tattoo. she's wearing a red sequined bra and harem pants.
this girl, i don't think she's ever danced for a "women's party" before, because i kind of feel like i'm at a strip club, the way she peeks from sheer red veils and then thrusts her body at us. she's not even a very good dancer.
leena finally comes down, with one of her friends from her college's msa, a tall, shy black girl named iman. they are late because iman was straightening and then curling leena's hair which had already been bleached. leena was one of the only girls with the kinky arab hair. i wouldn't even blame her for straightening it if her hair didn't look so bad, so battled.
anyway, they dance, leena and the stripper. the girl throws her sequined scarf around leena's shoulders and ropes her in closer, puts a cane between leena's stomach and her own, keeping it balanced as she gives us bushra auntie's money's worth by shaking what little ass she possesses. their stomachs are connected, but separated so we all can see just how they would go at each other. but they wouldn't, won't. leena's hips so awkward i wonder how i can even think about sex.
eventually the dancer changes into normal clothes, and everyone dances, except for a few, including me. i love to dance, but sit instead with my lesbionic self because none of these bitches would ever honor any kind of commitment i could potentially have if i wasn't such a loser and could actually get a girlfriend.
soon we will be able to eat, and after that go home, but for now i'll sit with my sister and half-white jackie, watching the coins jingle on scarves tied around the hips of girls who have always suspected me of something. later i will hear that noor is separated from her husband, that leena's sister who is my age was accepted to med school and is engaged, that my mom met a nice pakistani woman who has a son just two years older than me. for now i will sit and gawk at the tits on hijabis i used to be friends with, before i was queer and they were holy.
Zuleikha Mahmood Zuleikha is afghani, but from pennsylvania, and is currently a college student studying muslim identities and creative writing. she publishes a zine called the wombs and the browns, and she's also a radical cheerleader.
<http://www.muslimwakeup.com/sex/archives/001174.php> <http://muslimwakeup.com/sex/> -- Yoshie
* Critical Montages: <http://montages.blogspot.com/> * Greens for Nader: <http://greensfornader.net/> * Bring Them Home Now! <http://www.bringthemhomenow.org/> * Calendars of Events in Columbus: <http://sif.org.ohio-state.edu/calendar.html>, <http://www.freepress.org/calendar.php>, & <http://www.cpanews.org/> * Student International Forum: <http://sif.org.ohio-state.edu/> * Committee for Justice in Palestine: <http://www.osudivest.org/> * Al-Awda-Ohio: <http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Al-Awda-Ohio> * Solidarity: <http://www.solidarity-us.org/>
