Being a lawyer is something you learn on your own later.
Sorry
-----Original Message----- From: lbo-talk-bounces at lbo-talk.org [mailto:lbo-talk-bounces at lbo-talk.org]On Behalf Of snitsnat Sent: Thursday, August 25, 2005 9:48 PM To: lbo-talk at lbo-talk.org Subject: [lbo-talk] Bonfire of the Inanities
And I do love how, once they start chatting it up with the attorney on the other side, they start calling him by his first name and even call him by a nickname rather than formal first name. YOu know, call 'im Chuck instead of Charles.
Repeatedly, these guys did that. I wanna know what's up with that. I'm sure it escapes most people's attention. But it did not escape mine. Ohhhhh. chummy chummy are we? I'm notpaying you to get chummy chummy. Or maybe I am. Do I send them a pack of golf tees or something and tell 'em to have a round on me at the 19th hole?
So, today, Brilliant is on the phone saying, "Oh! I said to myself, 'Self, you're a legal genius -- and, Kell, I AM a legal genius [1] -- there's something wrong with this. There's no summons here."
(K asks, am i livin' in the twilight zone here, or what?' He's talking about himself and calling himself a legal genius. He's GOT to be pushing my foot, right? This does NOT happen. This happens on L.A. Law. This does NOT happen. Somebody tell me this doesn't happen?)
I am listening quietly, slowly steaming. I close my eyes, lean my head back, then I look at the ceiling. I ponder the cobweb near the overhead kitchen light and look for faces in the swirls of ceiling paint. Anything at all to stave off thoughts of reaching through the phone, grabbing him by the throat, and wringing his neck.
One. Breeeeeeath. Two. Breeeeeeath.
Lousy. Muh- No. Breath. Breath.
Three. Breeeeath. Four. Breeeeeath.
Legal genius? NO! Breath breath breath. BREATH.
Five. Breeeeeath. Six. Breeeeth
Legal genius my ass.
I snap back, remove my gaze from the gibbous moon shapes I was contemplating in the ceiling swirls and listen to Brilliant -- because I want to savor this.
I open the fridge. Is there a forgotten beer in here? Please? Anything at all?
De nada.
I want to understand. I really do. I want to see, up close and personal, just how brilliantly stupid you have to be to make the big attorney bucks like this guy probably does.
I want, desperately, to give him a dressing down, reminding him that we had ALREADY pointed out -- REPEATEDLY -- that there was no summons.
I don't. Clearly, Brilliant needs to 0wn this one. OK. 0wn it sweetie, 0wn it. I'll listen. I'll listen reeeeeeeeeeeal good. I want to see, up close and personal, just how utterly stupid I have to be if I ever hope to earn, say, $150K/year and more. I already know how to play golf, 'k? Clearly, the problem is, I'm not stupid enough.
Brilliant continues, "'Cause I'm a legal genius, K. There I am this morning thinking about this and, all of a sudden, I hit upon the solution.... There's no summons here. None of the defendants received a summons! That's the answer! We'll file a motion to have this dismissed without prejudice on the grounds that it's a technical violation. And we'll remove it to Federal Court when they hit us with the lawsuit."
OK. Should I start breathing again? Where's a beer when you need it? The gibbous moon in the ceiling paint. Where is it?
"And then I remembered that, when we first talked, you'd said there was no summons."
(There is NO frickin' beer in the fridge!) ...........
Well, when I have time, I'll finish this short story. I wonder, Mike B, was Alice Munro pissed of when she wrote? *grin*
Meanwhile, it is stupidity, is it not?
Duplicity? What?
I'd _really_ like to hear from the attorneys on this one. Do you guys learn this in law skool? When you're apprenticing -- or whatever it is that you do? Do you clerk somewhere and learn how to be dumb? Duplicitous?
I'm having a hard time chalking this up to anything else. If they were smart and knew the law, then they'd have to be engaged in some sort of malicious duplicity.
I understand that no one can know everything. What I don't understand is this: Let's say it was just a matter of not knowing everything. This cliff hanging episode, this urgent need to remove the case to Federal Court, would _never_ have happened had this guy looked at the paperwork in the first place. He would have seen it, absorbed it, played legal genius, thunked himself on the head and admitted that I'd told him this from the get go, and filed a motion to have it removed to Federal Court. Then, when we could.
"Finish your beer. There are sober kids in India."
-- rwmartin
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