On one of my other lists supporting alternative relationships, a member posted a plea from SpongeBob SquarePants. I repost it below with permission.
A Message to My Friends and Supporters
As many of you are probably aware, recent scrutiny of my involvement in a diversity video for young people has brought attention to the relationship between Patrick Star and myself.
To put an end to the speculation and rumor- mongering that has been going on, I want to declare publicly that Patrick and I have been in a consensual, loving, intimate relationship for the last six years. We are completely out of the pineapple in Bikini Bottom, and our relationship has been met with acceptance.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs, my employer, has also been supportive and provides Patrick with health insurance through the Krusty Krab's policy. We are a union shop (even though there are only two employees) and we urge you not to patronize Plankton's Chum Bucket which is non-union and employs robots.
Finally, I want to tell my friends and supporters that although I did not seek this prominence and the responsibility it entails "I am ready! I am ready!"