Oh. my my my. I foergitted massah. I fergitted to thank me lucky stars. I fergitted to get down on the ground, spread your legs, and lick your collective balls before I dare gripe about anything. "OH, thankee thankee thankee massah for letting us earn more than you. Thankee thankee thankeee massah, your brothers are, on average, doing 35% of the housework now! I so grateful, praise be da lord I is one lucky woman to be living in the Twwwwenny Firs' Centreeeeeeeee! Wheeeeeeeee!"
So, I gotta ritualistically acknowledge all the wonnerful thangs men be doin' fo' us, bat ma eyelashes and say, "you men be so wonnerful to be lettin' us do all dees thangs. why honeychile, bless yo' heart."
Fuck all y'all. You know, the *generic* all y'all.
That potential client I talked about? We got talking and he asked me how we worked. I said, "We build relationships with other artists, writers, editors, forming consortiums, to get the job done."
"Oh? Hey, I'm going to send a friend of mine your way. He's looking for work."
Without batting an eyelash, he (~30 years old) mentioned that his friend was staying home with the kids because his wife had a better paying job. I can't reproduce the little snort he made but it was clear that this biz about a wife that makes more and staying home with the kids was not a Good Thang.
Now, if a 30 y.o. in 2005 is feeling that way... well, sure, we've come a long way baby. You won't catch me denying that, but this notion that I have to ritualiztically suck your cock first before I'm allowed to point out inequality -- or gesture at how bad it is other places so I can remember just how lucky I am and that we ain't got no room to talk... Well, I'm reminded of Arlie Hochschild's work shows how those comparisons, the constant gesturing at some worse situation, helps keep women in their place and encourages them to shut down their demands.
Anyway, here's a man, talking to a woman who runs a business, who's on the clue train about information security (a man's world), yadda... IOW, as far as he knows, I could be in the same situation as his friend: I'm the breadwinner, my husband staying home with the kids. But, somehow, it doesn't occur to him that he's basically saying the world is upside down and he needs to help his friend aright it.
You certainly wouldn't be as likely to hear someone saying, "hey, I have a friend who's staying home with the kids because HER husband makes more and she's stuck home with the kids," let alone snort about it because somehow it's all so embarrassing for everyone involved.
When I was struggling to get a raise that would cover health insurance, one of my co-workers, a woman who worked as a part-time contractor said: "It's too bad R isn't there to help you." I.e., R should marry me so I can get healthcare. I would have liked to have hit the roof. I calmly said something about how no one should have to depend on marriage to get healthcare. Do you think that statement would have been made to a man? "Gee, it's too bad Janie doesn't marry you so you'd have healthcare?"
What is that, other than an expression of the perfect reasonableness of providing women with a lower salary and fewer benefits because, supposedly, they have a man to take care of them. Here were have the excellent example of heterosexism as work. And in this case, it was extraordinarily obvious that the money for a raise were right there. I pulled in 5 x my salary for that guy, which is nearly twice the industry standard of 3x your labor cost to charge for a product.
It's innarestin' that the industry standard -- 3 x your labor cost-- is a worse deal for labor than the industry standard for bar girls in Asia.