fear of and resentment of that fact by men, is the foundation of repression and demonization of women across the
world in all historical epochs.
>
Do guys really resent and fear the fact that women can create babies? I know I don't!
Chuck
You have a lot of sense to not want to have a baby :) I was making a global, general statement, not referring to what actual individual men might say, which is usually thank DOG I can't have a baby. The closest analogue I can come up with for men is having kidney stones. No one in their right mind would deliberately choose to go through labor, but most life's choices aren't made with our rational brains, either -- with our primitive, hormonally driven, emotional lizard brains or midbrains. The desire to fuck, er, reproduce ourselves must be the proof case of that :)
This isn't exactly what you were referring to, but there is the fact that a number of men (and partners, I hear this applies to lesbian couples as well) resent the intrusion of the new baby on the birth mother's time, energy, and affections (lack of attention, sex and meeting emotional needs), and this fact underlies increase in abuse of mothers and breakup of relationships. Women are in need of mothering and attention when they become mothers. Men generally don't nurture or give in their relationships, but expect to get it from women. Fact is, baby comes first for mom and dad (or partner) comes behind. Of course, many factors count here, and I tend to think the more highly educated, sensitive, aware of sex roles, &c, a man is, the less likely he is to engage in this type of behavior. (I have my own stereotypes: I've observed this more in uneducated macho types, but ....) I don't want to start a flamewar or get nasty emails.
I've been researching maternal morbidity and mortality in third world countries for a possible research project and it's universal (in third world countries) that women (and children) come last in food and resource allotment in the family, and are expected to perform the lion's share of work, even while they are pregnant and lactating, while the men literally sit around and do nothing. Meanwhile the women die of anemia, starvation, disease, complications in pregnancy and childbirth, postpartum hemorrage, and if you try to empower women to overcome these horrid conditions (and these conditions existed here a mere 100 years ago), you are interfering with their religion and culture. So, public health measures have to figure out how to deal with the religious and cultural ideology to educate people and have strategies to effect positive change for women. It's very, very difficult, and I can just image what they think of first world westerners coming in trying to "help" them (colonialism in reverse?).
I made a global, general statement based on lots of past reading (radical feminist, feminst theology, anthropology, &c) and speculations on the origins of patriarchy, multiple taboos against menstruating, pregnant, birthing, and postpartum women, &c. Also Mary Daly, who brilliantly wrote about the reversals of patriarchial (esp Xtn) religious symbolism.
On another note, a household with a new baby can be compared to an anarchy, breakdown of all established rules and order. Or a tyranny, if you see the baby as the tyrant.
Sleeping with baby is inevitable. I slept with mine, and my daughter is sleeping with her little guy. That other poster had a wise midwife! Great advice which I'll keep in mind. There is research stating you should never sleep with your baby, and it's a huge topic on Berkeley Parents Network and parent email lists. Screw the research and go with what works for you.
Grace
PS Any suggestions for an Indian name that starts with "B"? My son in law is Sikh and Indian and we did the baby name thing at the gurdwara and the word picked out starts with b. We can't think of a thing. I like "Bart" but they are horrified. They're going with Bikram, and I'm saying, the kid'll have to move to Berkeley CA and take up yoga to not get teased with that name.