Taking it off – with God's help
http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3199231,00.html
(VIDEO) Now playing at the Tel Aviv Cinemateque – Israel's first erotic ultra-Orthodox film! But as someone who likes her porn with some sort of a logical plot, Smadar Shiloni didn't really enjoy herself. That's what happens when you mix the holy with the profane Smadar Shiloni
(VIDEO) I naively thought to myself that an erotic ultra-Orthodox (haredi) movie would portray the enigmatic and forbidden sexuality of the closed-knit haredi community. By the time the promising memo arrived, I was already running through the following scene: Two Meah Shearim youngsters, one with fair skin and flushed thighs, the other a redhead with curly peyos and a burning libido under his kapota.
Both honestly try to obey the word of God, but can't quite manage to rein in their raging hormones, and hope the Almighty will turn a blind eye as they taste the forbidden fruit.
So, I arrived at the Cinemateque that afternoon with high expectations of seeing the Zionist version of "Emanuel", or at the very least the Jewish "Red Shoe Diaries". I was longing for good porn, dripping with true lust, strengthened by an actual plot.
Like most women, I like my eroticism with some logic, and enjoy connecting with the characters, even if only loosely. In very extreme cases, I am satisfied with meager proof that they are really enjoying it.
But what I got were four long-winded scenes of dry sex, censured a la "Austin Powers": All relevant body parts were hidden behind flower pots, table corners, and little animals that pass nearby.
Sex-by-the-numbers
The movie "Sex between the holy and profane" was filmed in 14 days, on a budget of USD 300,000 (approximately NIS 1,400,000). It will screen on weekends at the Tel Aviv Cinemateque.
Apart from these numbers, there are other 'numbers' in the film itself, which unfortunately are even less exciting. If you insist on getting a second opinion, ask Motti the entrepreneur, praised by the film's director for his initiative, courage and honesty in producing a porn movie in Hebrew.
"There is a lot of vision behind this film," promised the brave director. "And this will only improve. Apart from the sex, in those short instances where there is some talking, there is actual acting and dialogues."
That's true, if you take into consideration that throughout the movie people actually exchanged words, sometimes even when there were wearing something, God help us.
Unrealized potential
You'd be surprised, but the movie actually has a storyline with some potential: An ultra-Orthodox woman can't hold out any longer, and grabs her husband for their first quickie while their wedding is still going on.
For some unknown reason, she deserts him immediately thereafter and disappears with the DJ. They get to his house, he wonders aloud why she ran away from her wedding, and says goodnight. So much for dialogue; from this point on the film is silent.
The guy then walks over to his bedroom, and starts getting it on with his girlfriend, Toni. This is where the vision the director mentioned earlier comes in.
Well, there is nothing to write home about, but on the other hand, there's nothing a push-up bra or Dr. Klein wouldn't be able to patch up.
I am angry at myself for giving in to the social stipulation that flat-chested women are unworthy of taking part in such an important undertaking – the first porno haredi movie. But Tony and the DJ keep it going without too much interest.
The next morning, Toni gets up, goes over to the guestroom and praises the bride-in-question for peeping in on the action last night.
Enlightened by God
That's the cue for the bride, who just yesterday lost her virginity, to cast off all inhibitions, rip off her clothes and jump into a tepid lesbian scene going. No need to elaborate here, except to note that this part also goes on for ever, without any sign of pleasure from either woman.
Predictably, right after that, the bride's best friend, Sophie, shows up at the apartment, after searching all night for her friend. Like any good girlfriend, the bride recounts the whole ordeal, and we get a detailed flashback from the scene of the crime at the wedding: On the screen pops up a guy with a yarmulke, with a white sheet with a hole.
He reads the prayer book and commences with the mitzvah. After a good long hour of mutual cross-examination, he jumps up as if he left something on the stovetop, and reproachfully asks the new wife – "how come you know all these moves?"
Looking for someone to put the blame on, she says she was "enlightened by God." The guy freaks out and leaves his new wife lusting for more ("What, that's it?").
The next scenes take us to discussions on pre-marital sex, sexual exploration and yet another prolonged sexcapade that doesn't quite hit home.
Taking it to the grave
In the final scene, bright morning light shines through and it is time to leave. Sophie and her friend part ways at the backdrop of the sunrise. "I'll take everything I experienced here to my grave," she says in a somewhat somber tone, as if she's forgotten the inspiring oral experience she had just a few minutes earlier.
"I am staying here," declares the has-been-bride, "I have plenty more to learn and nowhere to go back to." They hug and kiss on the mouth, and for a moment it seems that yet another scene it about to unfold. But at this point you'll only need a tissue to wipe the tears. Sophie embarks on the road back to normalcy, and our bride stays put, sentenced to life of excommunication and incredible sex. Long live Israel!