The administration of Rupert Mountjoy Jr. of East Grand Fenwick is studying options for military strikes against the United States as part of a broader strategy of totally destructive coercion (TDC), also known as "diplomacy" in Olde Fenwickian dictionaries.  The Fenwickian Prime Mate (the country where all men are Mates, as the Fenwickian slogan goes) seeks to pressure Washington D.C. to abandon its "Nuclear Profile" or disappear off the map. Totally independent officials and proctologists claim that short term attacks appear likely and doubts of success are simply anti-Fenwickian jabber which will be ended by proper interrogation and possible warheads.  Washington "must be convinced that we are serious about submitting each and every White House official to rectal examination in the war room in order to reduce their Nuclear Profile," an unknown Fenwickian said the other day. Possible targets in the U.S., along with the White House Cabinet, where Nuclear Warheads have been hidden in the past, are each and every of the millions of Nuclear bombs that the U.S. has been stockpiling and planning to use to destroy at least half the globe since 1945.  East Fenwick is a peaceful country and hasn't engaged in a land invasion since it invaded New York City in 1959, so East Fenwick military planners do not expect to increase pike and crossbow production in the near future.  Mountjoy, Jr. views Washington, D.C. as a menace to the whole world and possibly to life on other planets, that must be dealt with before Rupert Mountjoy III is of age to run for Prime Mate, chief Prime Mate proctologists disclosed yesterday.  "The United States has for too long been a threat to Fenwickian values, ever since we let the U.S. overthrow our elected puppet, 'Chucky' in 1979," anonymous Grand Security Poobahs, whispered to this reporter yesterday.  There is a small minority faction of East Fenwick sometimes called "Turkey's", but also known as "pinko-homosexual-New-York<div style="direction: ltr;"> -Upper-West-Side-Liberals," who believe that it is impossible to destroy every nuclear weapon in the United States.  "Even if we do," said Professor Alfred Kokintz, the Big Turkey, "the United States is known to have stockpiled all kinds of weird weapons of mass destruction, that they are likely to unleash in a fit of wounded anger."  The Mountjoy Jr. administration dismisses these Turkey, as so many gobblers. There are some Fenwickian "parasitologist's" who believe that all of these threats on the part of Mountjoy are merely in jest.  "My sense is that any talk of blowing Washington D.C. off the map unless White House officials submit to daily proctology, is a gambit of TDC (see above) so that the rest of the world will see that we don't give a damn about other worldly definitions of diplomacy," said Hitch Cobbley.  "The world will accept our definitions of peace and diplomacy or else," Hitch added in a slurred voice.  "If we have to irradiate everything to make them see that we are serious about this democracy and proctology thing, then that is exactly what we will do!"  This was a Special Report by McDonald Parke Snippet. <div>On 4/9/06, Marvin Gandall <<a href="mailto:marvgandall@videotron.ca" target="_blank" onclick="return top.js.OpenExtLink(window,event,this)">marvgandall@videotron.ca </a>> wrote:<blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="border-left: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); margin: 0pt 0pt 0pt 0.8ex; padding-left: 1ex;">U.S. Is Studying Military Strike Options on Iran Any Mix of Tact, Threats Alarms Critics By Peter Baker, Dafna Linzer and Thomas E. Ricks Washington Post Staff Writers Sunday, April 9, 2006; A01 The Bush administration is studying options for military strikes against Iran as part of a broader strategy of coercive diplomacy to pressure Tehran to abandon its alleged nuclear development program, according to U.S. officials and independent analysts. No attack appears likely in the short term, and many specialists inside and outside the U.S. government harbor serious doubts about whether an armed response would be effective. But administration officials are preparing for it as a possible option and using the threat "to convince them this is more and more serious," as a senior official put it. </blockquote></div></div>