This is the funniest friggin' thing I have read in some time. James Frey as if he were the American counterpart of Eduard Limonov (head of the National Bolshevik Party and eXile columnist).
The eXile #260 06 Apr 07
TRADING PLACES: James Frey's Revolution
The Not Easy Life Of Last American Patriot By James Frey
eXile columnist and New Confederate Party leader/"Field Marshall" James Frey writes for us in his broken Russian, which he asked us to keep unedited.
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Curious Russian readers of eXile every week now writing me with same question. Dear James Frey, tell us more about everyday life of famous American dissident writer, and Field Marshall of New Confederate Party. So, this week I tell you about normal day in Life of Last American Patriot.
First thing to say, is life of famous disagree is hard. Full of danger. Struggle. Not for weak persons. I am waking at dawn, drinking five raw eggs with mixture of Mega-Man Powder, five hundreds of push-ups and sit-ups, and running through historical Center Park for whole hour before even sit at typewriter. Then two hours of writing new memoir, concerning life and ideas of me, James Frey, leader of National Confederate Party (NCP). Now for one month, I am writing still the chapter about founding of NCP, in expensive rehab spa, during days of learning from my friend Leonard, a large mafia man who died before three years. After death of Leonard, I cried. I cried! Cried until pain was lost, until empty from crying. I dedicate work of NCP and hope of new strong America to him - my "Confederate Brother" Leonard. Picture of Leonard hangs from wall in small basement office of CNP. Like Patron saint.
After writing of memoir, time for intellectual development and reading of great American literature. Books by strong men, Hemmingway and Mailer. Mailer and Hemmingway, and so. Part of mission of National Confederate Party is train youth of America to remember national traditions. Corrupt elite of country is happy to let youth watch Russian pop videos on Russia Today television network. Slavic slang creeping more into lingo of youth. If trend last two generations more, fate of American nation will be to disappear from map. Genocide of national character at hands of Bush and corporations and Russian capital and "European" values and furnitures. For this reason NCP cadres read daily books and magazines showing best of American letters. My books also are on list, even if sadly to say Million Little Pieces now out of print before two years.
Next on schedule is meeting with CNP cadres in party office in Harlem, historical black section of New York, city of my entire life. This is new office for our party. Mayor's servants last year invaded our office in Chelsea by team of investigators: they worked all day and have seized Party documents. Our landlord, Rothenberg Management, pushed by CIA I am sure, saying that we did not pay rent for six month. It is lie.
Other CNP attempts at harassment are failed. We apply for protest permit - we get permit. CNP marches - nobody notice. We purchase weapons in illegal market - there is no plain-clothes agents to see and arrest Field Marshall Frey for sedition. Savages! In Russia, state understands need for great leader to have imprisonment and public sufferages. America is cruel fate for revolutionary leader ahead of the epoch, in literature and politic at same time.
The daily meeting is at 1 p.m. CNP elite guard always comes on correct time to meetings. Everyone other is late, sometimes not coming at all, or missing uniform, etc. CNP uniform made of gray trouser and shirt the national colors of red and white and blue. American colors. Colors that cannot run. Bush and his corrupted so-said "opposition" are also fond to use the colors of CNP, with pins and flags, etc. But they are not real opposition, and go on speaking only their lies. CNP and allies in small group of disagree group "Other America" are true opposition, calling for America for common American people. I have problem with some ideas of co-leaders in opposition, LeBron James, the sportsman, and Al Gore, vice-president of Bill Clinton, but there are too little of us to split into tendencies.
Last meeting of CNP cadre had 27 members of New York party, with guests of six members traveling from Boston and Patterson in New Jersey, state of gardens. After discussion of next issue of party organ, Let Freydom Ring, it is time for writing letters to CNP members "grounded" by not tolerating parents. Now, there are 11 CNP members "grounded" in U.S.
Then comes boxing practice. We box for three hours, sometime more, and watch boxing instruction videos.
So far in my story of typical day of famous patriot, you maybe are wanting ask me some question: James Frey, you are dedicated to cause of revolution in America, but you are artist. Why not forget politics and write for armies of beloved fans of memoirs like Million Little Pieces and My Good Friend Leonard? These were books selling best across whole world. No one wants hear about oppression in America in time of "stabilization."
Maybe you are right. But the fight must be carried by some persons of strength, and as artist I have special responsibility. Other American writers have no courage, are soft in the belly. Dave Eggers, example. Cowards. Today it is only Confederate National Party that holds a banner high for strong and independent America. Also, my agent, Roxanne, is telling me "mix it up" with my memoirs. Not just personal stories such as Leonard and rehab and so, but something more, like politics. So I struggle. And I cry. Cry for beloved country. And for Leonard.
Yesterday, after finish letter writing to "grounded" comrades, we bought many eggs at local bodega. It is almost season of the easter bunny, American tradition beloved by children in millions. As gift to dedicated young CNP cadre, I also bring out from closet giant "stash" of Peeps, soft delicious marshmallow candies for sharing. Much happiness follows from my giving of Peeps. At sight of happy Peeps eating patriots, their leader begins to cry. We have won.
-- James Frey's books have been translated into three languages, not including Russian.
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