It could be other things; I just had cocksucking on my mind. Pick whatever sexual act(s) you want.
> there are men who see it not as anything necessarily about a sexual
getting off.
I always wonder if you can be gay and not have sex. If would be like me claiming I was a film critic and yet I never published any film critcism.
Am I a murderer if I desire to kill someone? Or only if I actually do it?
Part of me wants to believe that desire alone can define being gay, but another part wants sexual actions taken in the world to define it. I bounce back and forth between the two positions.
> and double not to mention men who would define it all more along the lines
of a closeness and at homeness they feel with other men that might have
little
to do with sex at all
I feel close and at home with women (in the same way that I do with men), but that does not make me heterosexual. As close and at home as I am with them, their physical beings do nothing for me sexually.
> and triple not to mention men who see it as all about ass fucking.
And who could blame them?
> and lesbians... I mean, why would being a lesbian be narrowed to one
particular sexual act?
I do not think it should be narrowed to one particualr sexual act. I think it should embrace all sorts of sexual acts. I just think it would be nice to re-emphasize sexual acts of all sorts when we talk about gays and lesbians. I want fucking/sucking/fisting and all other wondeful sexual acts to reclaim pride of place. Queer life has become desexualized as it tries a) to fend off attacks from the right by making queers into nice, law-abiding, asexual homeowners and family raisers; and b) is bombarded with ever more exotic theories of sexuality.
Again, part of me likes these theories: they are kind of fun. But each succeeding generation of them seems to become ever more disconnected from life, or at least life as I experience it in my own existence and that of the young gays and lesbians I work with.
I do not want too stiff/rigid a definition, but at the same time I am not sure that the ever more amorphous undersandings that are being promulgated are of much help.
Brian