I'm not just talking about retirees, I'm talking about people who, if you asked them when they last had sex, couldn't tell you, and then if you asked them if they were heterosexual would swear up and down that they were. According to you, it'd be okay to say "No you aren't!" ...
But then: what are you, if not your identity? If you introduce some third (fourth?) axis -- non-sexual -- then you get bogged down in "How long do you have to go before you switch from being one orientation to being the non-orientation?" ... or worse: do you just constantly flip back and forth all the time? Feh.
It sounds like the start of a joke, but there's no punch-line: what do you call a lesbian who hasn't had a date in 15 years?
> I am still grappling with gay by choice versus being
> gay by orientation. I can understand that the way I
> manifest my sexual identity is a choice, but wanting
> to suck dick doesn't feel like one.
That doesn't sound like grappling, that sounds like reading too much into the question. I think you have your answer ...
/jordan