You might think the noise - a cause of severe dismay to nearby neighbors - came from the liquid sighs, exuberant ohs and cream flavored ahs of the party goers as they explored cracks and crevices and enjoyed snacks and beverages.
But you'd be wrong.
No, what upset the neighbors was the nightly parade of cars to and from, the pre and post party conversations outside the club, the loudly told double entendre jokes and sinister cackling of the infamous sex dwarf who - isn't it nice? - lured disco dollies to a life of vice.
At a community meeting, declarations were made. "Something must be done about the pre and post party noise making, the little person seductionizing and overall red satin sheeted, ceiling mirrored shenanigans" the neighbors said, their voices full of wrath.
And they were right to be wrathful. As everyone knows, the baby Jesus doesn't like sex parties in general and is especially irked by noisy sex parties. Unless this high decibel affair was stopped, and fast, Christmas would never come to suburban cul de sac development 23456 (aka "Raven's Beak").
But how could they stop it?
One special little boy had an idea. "On the Internet," he told his parents, "there's a mysterious oracle called...Wikipedia. Braving many terrors, including push ads for Viagra, Photoshopped pictures of Hillary shaking hands with Ho Chi Minh and distracting YouTube videos of cats LOLing here and there I made my way to this strange and marvelous place.
There, I learned of Ded Moroz, or as we might say, Father Frost, the eastern Slavic Santa Claus. I think we should summon him and ask for his aid."
"But what will he do?" the little boy's father asked. "Why father, he'll freeze every fleshy reveler in the noisy sex party; he'll freeze them all to death." Upon hearing this, the family joyfully hugged and sang songs of Christmas cheer.
It was an excellent plan and had much to recommend it: a geography lesson and multicultural exploration and, most importantly, the promise of frozen sex partiers.
But would Ded Moroz answer their plea?
.d.