> We're all following a script to some degree.
Yes, we are all conditioned beings, but the point is to become aware of that conditioning as much as possible no? As a catholic, you were conditioned to believe certain things, to have certain attitudes toward sex. To be free of that conditioning is a good thing, no? And freedom would mean more than just doing the opposite of what you were taught, right? I mean that would not be freedom; it would just be a reaction against that conditioning. If you were taught that prostitutes were bad, would you then consider yourself free if you could only get it up with prostitutes?
> The fact that you or anyone else finds a person, a gesture, or an act
> exciting has a history in the culture and in your personal experience.
Yes and no. Becoming a sexual human being is something that takes time, maturity, practice, and attention. I was taking issue with the idea that kink = sexual freedom or that transgression = sexual freedom or that bdsm = sexual freedom. I was trying to call attention to the fact a lot of these practices do not seem particularly free to me.
This thread, which recurs every year or so, is always productive in some ways. This year it reminded me of the fact that one man's kink maybe another man's vanilla, and that a good deal of kink is culturally defined. For example, I do not think of the following practices as kinky, but I can see that others might: oral sex, anal sex, group sex, homosexuality.
I think there are two good reasons to have sex with someone: 1) you love them and are sexually attracted to them or 2) there is a strong sexual attraction. In either case, there seems to be sufficient motivation to have sex without there having to be a pre-defined set of things that have to happen (script).
Question is what to you do when you fall in love with someone who needs a script? In my own case, I once fell in love with a man who was interested in bondage. I gave it a try and it was like watching paint dry. So, that was that. He was not exclusively interested in it, so it was not a problem, but if he had been, it would have been a problem.
Joanna