> What seems obvious to people like Wojtek and me is that the systematic
> issues are fundamental to addressing personal problems. Whether you
> like it or not, whether you can even see it or not. We can no more
> discuss these issues without mentioning systematic issues than we
> could conceive of opening a pub that doesn't sell beer.
That may be the case. But what I'm saying is that to address personal problems these first need to be identified, and they can't be identified until you listen to what they are.
I also don't think the situation of your mate is analogous to Woj's situation with his wife.
One point of the companionship of marriage or friendship is that we need/use/trust the other person to express and feel feelings. That's just step number 1. Step number 2 is addressing systematic issues. If I mistreat my kid, this might mostly be because I'm exhausted, overworked, poor, etc., and there are lots of structural reasons for that. But before I become aware of those, I need to be aware that my kid is unhappy and that I am unhappy because she is unhappy.
Joanna