Speaking of your ex (and not Yoshie, who is more articulate in defending herself), well perhaps it is a woman thing i.e., something that a woman is more (correctly) sensitive to: you perhaps don't see it but the above has more than a hint of condescension (also visible in your metaphors and terms -- "infantile"): 'I am on your side, so appreciate that and stop doing things I find ridiculous'. Digging our heels in is what we all do: on PEN-L Doug joked, at my comment that Yoshie prescribes the proper attitude towards Iran, that I had not made him aware sufficiently of the "Correct Line". But that's the thing, isn't it? The "Correct Line" is to say "The USG has historically abused the people of Iran and elsewhere, but the Iranian 'regime' is regressive, despicable, etc". Anything that doesn't tow this line is an act of stubborn digging in or "prostration" before the "global South". (What is it? The spectre of Stalin?!).
You are wrong, analytically speaking, Woj, in your references to "self-loathing", etc. These are sleights of argument employed by the right: "self-hating Jew". There is actual content to the argument (the injuries to the global South inflicted by the North) which deserves the respect of disagreement or refutation. You do not intend it at all (in my judgement), but other forms of response are no different than the old hand-waving about hysteria, etc.
--ravi