[lbo-talk] Southern vs. Northern violence

Chuck Grimes cgrimes at rawbw.com
Sun May 6 17:55:51 PDT 2007

Kansas City has a high murder rate, but as I understand it, most of these murders happen between people who know each other. Chuck


As is the case here.

Well, duh. Most of the perps and victims are related to each other, so naturally they know each other---carnally speaking.

It's just part of the values that have been brought in here from outside. The native born are much more civilized and know the best way to handle their enemies, be they neighbors or relatives, is to call the city housing inspector and the parking unit of the police department, then sit on their front porch, pop open a brew or hang out their window and settle in for the show.

As the housing inspector and meter maid converge across the street there are sure to be swift calls for SWAT team back up, since most Southern fortresses are armed to the teeth, have tell-tale rusting hulks of Detroit iron parked illegally, with child death-trap refrigerators in the ally, and pit bulls hammering against their multiple dead-bolt locks and chains across the front door, which is usually covered by a heavy steel grating quaintly called a screen door down home.

After persistent knocking on the steel door, a frumpy looking overweight woman, missing a few teeth opens the inside door, suspiciously peers through a narrow opening and reassures our local building inspector, not to worry, the dogs don't bite---while she screams in a voice that could etch glass, ``Jim Bob, take them gawl dern dogs out to here. Yew heard me.'' As the dog are dragged yelping and snapping at their tormentor into a back room by a male relative, in one of Kelly's favorite outfits---wife-beater-T and boxer shorts---the timid and jumpy inspector is graciously invited in only to pass out from the smell southern cooking (chitlins gone bad) on a stove with a gas company red tag. Was it the cooking or the gas? Who knows.

Hey were it smells like pig shit, there's sure to be fire. Soon enough the FBI and ATF are on the heels of the SWAT team, since most of these southern-values strong holds are also meth labs and child porn rings. (I've seen it on Cops.) Lowe and behold, the fire department and bomb squad arrives as civilian safety backup for the city, county, state, and federal police units camped mise en scene....

After the small arms fire and explosions have subsided, and the surviving residents are secured curbside with HD snap-ties, the ambulances parked patiently around the corner, slowly make their way through the squad cars, fire hoses, tv crews and smoking debris to carry away the unlucky but galant defenders of state's rights, right to work laws, home is my castle, my sister is my daughter, and other traditional Southern values. It's all in a days work for our Building Codes and Inspection department out here in the wild, wild west.

I'll say one thing for these outside adjutators from the South. They know their property rights, know their drugs, and know their weapons.

CG, don't need numbers to prove he right.

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