Moscow Babylon November 13, 2004
Gas Middle America THE EXILE'S BLUE STATE SOLUTION
By Mark Ames
I've been tracking the Left's reaction to Bush's horrifying election romp, and what's clear to me is that nothing has been learned. Nothing has been learned because no one on the Left is being honest. Their reactions range from bitching about the elections allegedly being stolen -- well duh! what'd you idiots expect from the Republicans?! -- to grotesque, clumsy soul-searching in the form of how Democrats need to get spiritual, get in touch with Middle American "values," or how the Democratic party either needs to move to the center, or the flip- side to this idiocy, move farther to the Left...that coastalites need start going to church more often in order to learn the ways of the savages, to be less secular-humanist, to shop less, to connect with Middle America, to understand Middle America, to allow Middle America to be Middle America, to suck Middle America's hemorrhoid-bejeweled ass and tickle Middle America's balls... What they don't have the guts to admit, once and for all, is that THE PROBLEM IS MIDDLE AMERICA. Stop blaming the victim, folks. The problem with the idiocy and lunacy are the idiots and lunatics, not their mugging victims.
Now that we've come out and said it, it's time to act. We at the eXile are here to solve problems. Middle America is the problem, and the eXile has the solution. It's a little extreme, and you folks will have to briefly suspend your little liberal-humanist consciences in order to get on board with us, but we think it's the only solution that'll work.
Gas them. Gas every red state that voted for Bush. Gas them all, and gas them now. And if that sounds a little too 1940s for you, then fine, nuke the fuckers. Nukes have come a long way since 1945, so much so that they're not even 1940s anymore. It's just that gassing them sounds so much more appropriate.
The awful reality is that George W. Bush won by 4 million votes. No, the awful reality is that he got any votes at all -- but he did. It doesn't matter if Bush stole 10,000 votes in this shitty Ohio county and 4,000 votes in that incest-ridden Deliverance county there -- he won the popular vote. He won a mandate. He won -- get it? Bush won! They voted for him, the stupid fucking suckers, after he gave them four years of the most shocking warp-speed national decline since Franz Josef abdicated. There is nothing normal or sane about what these Americans did. There is no way to spin that. It's just nauseating, sphincter-twisting, horrifyingly stupid and evil. So the coastal elite -- and we are an elite, thank god (what moron wouldn't want to be part of the elite? "Hey, I'm not elite, I'm akshully jus' a fuckin' stupid piece of shit chump who gits used by the elite, 'n by gum that's how's I likes it!") -- and the Democrats and everyone with a brain should stop flogging themselves or falsely localizing blame on a clique of evil Republican operatives who manipulated Middle America, and put the blame where the blame lies -- on the 59,000,000 fucks who voted to destroy America. And don't just blame those 59,000,000 fucks, but blame their families, their friends, their dogs and cats, their furniture, and everything they ever touched, smelled, peed on, or otherwise left DNA samples in. They all have to go. Every last one of 'em. We don't like the thought of all that collateral damage that nuking or gassing Middle America would bring, but...aw shit, who are we foolin' here? We LOVE the thought of all that collateral damage, we DREAM about it! We're sorry for the 30-40 percent who voted blue in the red states -- just like we're sorry about Dresden and Hamburg, and lose sleep over it every night. That is to say, if you stay there, you're no longer innocent. Collateral damage in Fallujah is depressing-- but collateral damage in Alabama, a giant welfare queen state sucking from the liberal pro-Kerry states' tax dollars? A few Trident II's oughtta turn 'Bama into a Crimson Tide of Manhattan Chowder. M'm-m'm tasty!
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