The National Review = Movie Geniuses
Film Criticism has reached its pinnacle in the form of The National Review's "Best Conservative Movies of the last 25 Years." Batman isn't Bruce Wayne, but George W. Bush. The White Witch in "The Chronicles of Narnia" is "a cross between Burgermeister Meisterburger and Kim Jong Il." I can't wait to hear what they say about Slimer!
The National Review wants you to buy a digital subscription to see all the write-ups right now, as they gradually unveil the list on this blog.
There are quite a few gems in what they've published so far. "Gattaca" demonstrates the "progressive fantasy" of eugenics, a concept most popularly promoted by Theodore Roosevelt and Hitler, "the road to which is paved by the abortion of Down babies, research into human cloning, and 'transhumanist' dreams of fabricating a 'post-human species.'"
Terry Gilliam's nightmare of bureaucratic fascism, "Brazil," came it at number 22. I'm not making this up. Here's a sample of the description of the last eight years the movie: "Terrorist bombings, national-security scares, universal police surveillance, bureaucratic arrogance, a callous elite, perversion of science, and government use of torture evoke the worst aspects of the modern megastate." As Salon noted, Gilliam has already pointed out the obvious: "Have people forgotten I made Brazil? George W. [Bush], [Dick] Cheney, and company haven't. I'm thinking of suing them for the illegal and unauthorized remake of Brazil." I think the real reason it made the list, however, is for its early recognition of the series of tubes that is the Internet.
Most offensive, however, is the National Review's attempt to claim "United 93" as a conservative movie because—get ready for it—they made the terrorist the bad guys! Fuck you, Andrew Coffin and National Review. Paul Greengrass didn't make a liberal film or a conservative film. He made a film about the shock and horror of an American tragedy.
Here's the full list:
1. The Lives of Others (2007) - I guess it's anti-communist, but is really about the culture of surveillance.
2. The Incredibles (2004) - What?
3. Metropolitan (1990) - Never seen it.
4. Forrest Gump (1994) - I can see this one.
5. 300 (2007) - Definitely conservative—homophobic homoeroticism, with bad writing and shitty filmmaking to cap it off!
6. Groundhog Day (1993) - Really? This is a political film?
7. The Pursuit of Happyness (2006) - OK, I guess it's about a guy who works hard, and all libruls are lazy deadbeats. But what about leeching off that homeless shelter?
8. Juno (2007) - Because only conservatives choose not to have an abortion. By all means, take it!
9. Blast from the Past (1999) - One of the greatest films of any kind from the last 25 years.
10. Ghostbusters (1984) Seriously, what the fuck? Is Ramis one of the great conservative filmmakers now?
11. Lord of the Rings (2001, 2002, 2003) - You knew they were going to go for this one, gay wizard and all.
12. The Dark Knight (2008) - Batman IS George W. Bush.
13. Braveheart (1995) - A terrorist insurgency in an invaded country!
14. A Simple Plan (1998) - If it's a morality tale, it must be conservative!
15. Red Dawn (1984) - Clearly a masterpiece.
16. Master and Commander (2003) - Definitely portrays a British conservative ideal, but not really a political movie.
17. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe (2005) - I still think this is a mediocre bore, however you paint it.
18. The Edge (1997) - Hrm.
19. We Were Soldiers (2002) - They love Mel Gibson here.
20. Gattaca (1997) - Those crazy liberals won't stop until they create a master race!
21. Heartbreak Ridge (1986) - Never seen it, but sound like a conservative masterpiece.
22. Brazil (1985) - C'mon! This should be number one! It so elegantly distills conservative ideology.
23. United 93 (2006) - Kindly go fuck yourselves, NR.
24. Team American: World Police (2004) - I can see it—too bad it's not very funny.
25. Gran Torino (2008) - I've said it before and I'll say it again: Huh? POSTED BY JEREMY MATHEWS AT 3:00 PM